Thanks For Noticing Me

Santa Baby

2011-12-07T10:03:00.000-08:00

This is me... pretending that it hasn't been fourteen years since my last post.

Last year at about this time, my son introduced me to pandora.com. I love love love it, especially at this time of year. However, being a perfectionist by nature, I have to mention that some songs are sacred. I mean, really, Michael Buble should NEVER sing Santa Baby (or Buddy, or Dude). Everyone knows that that song belongs to Eartha Kitt; back up off Michael!

The problem with Christmas music is that there really isn't that much variety of songs, just artists. But the truth is that no one sings Mary Did You Know like Kathy Mattea, or Baby It's Cold Outside like Barry Manilow and KT Oslin. This year when I was loading my personal collection of Christmas music on to my iphone I resisted the urge to create a Christmas favorite list just so that I would only have one version of I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day (Casting Crowns, of course) and You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Go Fish). The truth is that sometimes I am not very objective. Otherwise I am pretty sure that Julie Andrews' Favorite Things would trump Tony Bennett, but not so in my mind. After all, Tony kicked off Christmas every year when I was a child... sorry Ms. Andrews, betcha didn't see THAT coming!

All in all, I just love Christmas music so when we got to start our holidays early this year because Brian was here at Thanksgiving, this girl was not complaining.

Not one. little. bit.

Leaving on a jet plane

2011-07-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

I have succeeded in purchasing a plane ticket for one husband to travel one way to pack up one son. I did it all for a whopping $70, and I'm feeling a little smug about it. You know on AOL when they offer ridiculous airfare prices just to get you to click... ha! Of course I am going to have to drive to Little Rock, AR to drop him off (one third of the way) and he is going to be arriving at some random little airport somewhere in the vicinity of Dallas. I am not even sure if they are actually landing. Maybe they are just gonna do a fly by and kind of push him out. In any case, it will be the job of the aforementioned son to collect said husband at the other end. Then Daddy is going to "help" pack a trailer and "help" drive him back to TN where he will hang out while he lines up his little duckies for the new semester. In a perfect world, he will have a job waiting for him and a student loan lined up to pay his tuition. I am sorry to say that my perfect little world came crashing in recently. I am not sure where I am going to be six months from now... let alone my adult offspring.

Moving on; and speaking of airplanes... did I mention that the house that we have moved to does not have central heat and air? Okay, now I have lived with window units before, but it's been a while- like a hundred years or so. I have forgotten how loud they are. I am going to have to get a little dry erase board to carry around to write down the things I want to say; partly because I have a soft voice and partly because my husband is DEAF. Every thing I say these days has to be said at least twice... every. single. word. The good news is that I get a chance to change my mind if I say something I regret. The bad news is that the window in my bedroom is right beside my bed. It's like sleeping in the engine of a jet plane (hence the reference to airplanes). The good news is that I can't hear ANYTHING ELSE- like snoring, or midnight trips to the fridge. The bad news is that I can't hear anything else- like my alarm clock, or my kid coming in safe and sound. Just one of the adjustments that this highly flexible woman is making:)

ps... found a t shirt at walmart the other day that said "sarcasm - just one of my many talents"

I believe I pulled it out of the dryer a couple of days later. hmmm.

and then...

2011-07-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

The unpacking is going excruciatingly slow, but I did find my keys so we are all good.

Yesterday my sister walked in and announced that the house was beginning to smell like me. I think that a good thing. Actually I am burning a serious amount of money in my scentsy pots, so I guess she means I smell like cinnamon...

Which reminds me... if ever you know a young bride, be sure to tell her not to put cinnamon sticks in her new husband's underwear drawer. It's a bad idea.

In the meantime, I am trying to get as much unpacked as possible to make room for someone who is dropping by for a little visit before he transfers to somewhere closer to his mommy.

score!

Clarification

2011-07-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

For the record, the registered letter that I received resulting in my homeless situation was apparently not an "eviction"... not in the legal sense. It was simply "a letter requesting a move", although I don't remember it saying please. I did not know this until the second time I was forced to call the police (so that I could leave with some measure of peace) and the kind officer told me.

Unfortunately I'm a bookkeeper.

Not a LAWYER

and when I get a letter that says get out on or before 8/1, I take it to mean get out.

silly me.

Independence Day

2011-06-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

So...

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat eventful. I have so many thank yous to send out that I haven't had the time to even begin. I have a three day weekend coming; I'm hoping to get those caught up... and find my shampoo. Just kidding, I know where the shampoo is:) sort of.

I am currently working on a timeline of phone conversations, emails, and confrontations so that I can keep the details straight in my head. yup, I'm a dork. Seriously, I fully expect to be forced into court and it seemed reasonable to at least be able to speak intelligently of the events of the past few weeks, which it turns out are the culmination of years of maternal disappointment. I would share them all publicly, because I have decided that I am done hiding and being afraid but these details really don't serve any purpose except to garner pity, which I don't really need. Suffice it to say that my character is in question here; half truths and lies abound, and things said out of context. The good news is that I don't give an account to my mother or my brother or the neighbors down the street for my actions or motives. That is probably the first thing on the list of things I am thankful for... along with my new dishwasher.

I am reminded of Joseph. His own brothers sold him into slavery because they were jealous of the love his father showered on him. When famine came to Egypt, God used Joseph to save the an entire civilization and the very family that betrayed him. When his brother asked why he would do such a thing his response was, "You meant it for evil; but God meant it for good". I really pray that I will have the strength of character to follow his example should the opportunity arise.

In the meantime, a wise person that I love with all my heart told me that the best revenge against she who can't be mentioned is to live well.

I think he's pretty smart.

$5.59

2011-06-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

So I went ahead and opened my blog back up for the masses, as you can see. There really isn't any need to keep it private any longer.

For those who have seen some cryptic remarks on my Facebook account, a little explanation may be in order. For those who don't care... well, you probably still won't care.

A few years ago, my family was one of the early victims of their own choices that led to the loss of their home. A lack of fore site, combined with a dwindling economy, combined with a primary income tied to the luxury car business led to the perfect storm. It was the single most difficult thing I have personally ever had to deal with, outside of losing Daniel. Add to that the guilt that I had no one to blame but myself. I am a bookkeeper, for heaven's sake! How does this happen??

When we left our beautiful home, my heart was broken and I was scared, but we had some sweet friends from church who had a tiny little house that they were renting for frankly not much less that we were paying for our 2000 plus square foot home, but the utilities were less and we weren't starting out 3 months behind so we swallowed our pride and sold as much as we could and "downsized", which kind of goes against the whole heart of America but there it is. After a year of this situation, they were ready to sell their little house and we were looking for somewhere a little more permanent.

A certain family member stepped up and said that they were ready to downsize, because the house and pool were getting to be more upkeep than they were really able to maintain; and because they really loved the house where they had done a number of renovations, they wanted us to consider relocating to Atoka.

I told myself that my history with this difficult relationship would not be an issue. I told the plethora of people who said I was CRAZY, that it would be different this time. I was blinded by my fear of facing the financial world again, by my desire to give everything to my kids, and by the love that I quickly developed for this pile of bricks and the town that it sits in. I envisioned my teens having their friends HERE instead of somewhere else. I envisioned my house being full of the kids I would never have. I envisioned my grandchildren having Thanksgiving at the table in my kitchen and having them stay with me for weeks in the summer when they were old enough to take over that silly pond in the backyard.

I have worked hard here. I have painted and upgraded; put in a new privacy fence, and landscaped. This year in particular, I was dedicated to making that yard a garden of Eden for my "kids"... I am working these days and not really in a position to enjoy it myself; but I would someday.

Then I woke up.

A disagreement. An opinion I dared to have. A few heated emails later, and then a registered letter - addressed and written as if I was a complete stranger - and it is over. I have been evicted from my dream, and there really is no turning back. I have lost another house that I poured my future into. How does that happen? I have no idea. Frankly, I am still in shock and denial, although the boxes in the kitchen that is no longer mine are kinda pointing out the obvious. We have somewhere to go - thank goodness. It seems that God knows what is down the path, even as we are blessedly unaware. I am humbly reminded of that yet again.

I feel like I have been sold for the price of a registered letter.
That is all that I was really worth to this person, who is now a stranger to me.

PS... does anyone have a truck I can borrow?

Update for the chosen few - or couple.

2011-05-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

Now that I have taken the time and considerable effort to change my setting so that not just everyone can "follow" me, I guess I should say something.

insert cricket chirping...

A.hem. Oh yeah,

Brian is home for a quick summer visit:) Seems that I only blog when he is home, which isn't much. hmmm. I'll have to consider that. Anyhoo, he has a friend from high school who was graduating college and getting married this past weekend. Talk about a life changing weekend!

Brian has passed the age when all his friends are having serious girlfriends. while he didn't. Now we are at the age where Brian's friends are getting married. while he isn't. Of course, he is just approaching 22 and he still has 3 years before his bachelor's degree because he decided to take his time there, too. So we are not complaining. At least he hasn't made a BAD choice; at least not a PERMANENT one. He will be thrilled that we are discussing this... no wait; he hasn't been "invited" to read! HA!

Bethany, on the other hand has a sweetheart:) awww. I told my niece about him the other day and she looked at me with the biggest blue eyes and said, "reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyy????" Mostly because Bethany has been particular. very particular. Just like her momma taught her. I will try to respect her privacy on the subject, but since she hasn't been "invited" either, I can tell you that this momma is very happy with her decision making skills. This newest member of our family has brought a couple of brothers that we have come to love, as well. I always wanted more kids so this has worked out well for me.

We are looking forward to a fun filled, swimmy summer, assuming that I can get that silly pool up and running. This year we are already up to about $1000 and we aren't wet yet. I am pretty sure that we have already had this conversation before.

Same stuff. Different year.

New settings in life

2011-05-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

I am changing the settings of this blog to "invitation only".

Some people who shall remain nameless have discovered google.

just saying.

Spring Break 2011

2011-03-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that a person can have money or they can have time, but they cannot have both... at least not those of us firmly planted in middle class America. And sometimes, they can have neither. just saying.

Brian is home:) for spring break, Bethany is off school for the week, Daddy is taking some of the plethera of vacation days he has available to him. I am at work; and I am cranky. I have arranged to take off Thursday and Friday (no pay, of course) so that I can get in on some of this spring break stuff and (yay!) the weather is supposed to be glorious.

Unfortunately, I am the bad parent; the one that sees dirt everywhere. There has been video gaming and movie watching and unlimited snacking the first couple of days this week. I have a list of spring cleaning to do. I will be looking for "volunteers". I am very popular. not.

Even the dogs dread my spring break because there will be bathing and shaving and clipping and various and sundry other dog related nastiness that only moms seem to care gets done. I'm thinking about starting a new TLC reality show and calling it "dirty jobs".

No wait... I don't think that will work.

Can open... worms EVERYWHERE!!!

2011-02-16T09:51:00.000-08:00

I know, I know... you don't call, you don't write. whatever. At least when I actually have something to say, I think of you. right after Facebook.

moving on...

So today I was reminded of a school project from my younger years- like a hundred years ago, in fact. I have no idea what the project was about. That is, the purpose of it because I am sure it had one. I just remember that there was a card board box decorated like a tv. And someone was in it, talking to me. A real face to face conversation... sort of. We must have been very forward thinking as children because somehow we imagined a day when we would converse with someone over video in place of that silly outdated telephone. Fast forward like a hundred years... last night my daughter was chatting with a friend on (you guessed it:) skype.

Skype - the answer to my lonely days needing a glimpse of my firstborn and my secret terror.

There are the parents who, in an effort to protect their offspring from jumping in a lake because everyone else is doing it, refuse to allow the wheels of progress anywhere near their zip code. No facebook, no texting, etc. And then there are the parents who have no idea what their kids have buried under the clothes in the floor of their rooms. These are the parents who have bought every techno gadget their child has asked for but have no real understanding of the capabilities of these items, or how they could be leaving their children open to real dangers.

As one who has tried the former and found it not at all practical, I am attempting to embrace the newest of cool hipness... with caution. I am trying to consider all of the advantages of technology, like getting to see that Brian has decided to grow a beard... Okay, I can't really type that with a straight face - a.hem... I am also trying to consider all of the potential for danger from those without and the potential for poor decision making by those within.

I mean really.... do I want her skyping with a friend while I have bras hanging up to dry in the kitchen? I think not.

No KIDding. It's Christmas.

2010-12-30T10:17:00.000-08:00

Oh my... my last post was the first part of October. I'm fired. Can you fire yourself? As if...

Fall decor up and put away. check.
Thanksgiving. check.

Oh yeah! Big surprise this year for Thanksgiving:) Brian showed up out of the blue at the office. He wasn't supposed to come home until Christmas. Much crying. Many hugs. check.

24th anniversary. check. note to self: getting married is December is a very bad idea. don't do it... too late. grrr.

And then the big one. drum roll please... CHRISTMAS!!

Yeah, okay. whatever. It seems that all of my years of successes in this department are now overshadowed by my stubborn denial of the adult Christmas years. Christmas with kids is tons of fun with wrapping paper messes and early morning faces. Christmas with no kids is... less exciting. Don't get me wrong; Brian is home, which is great! We all went to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader and we have eaten all of my best stuff. Family gatherings have been enjoyed, Sunday school parties have been attended, choir and church stuffs, all drawing our attention to the real reason for the season. BUT... there is just something missing.

I am being dragged - kicking and screaming- into this new season of my life. Adult(ish) children make everything different. This year's gifts were not wrappable (not a word, I know). Bethany wanted a trip with the college kids to music fest and Brian's gift was a special hand me down from his dad - which we gave him at Thanksgiving because it was too large to take home on the plane at Christmas. I did try to put together stocking stuffers for them. Oy. Standing in Target, I realized that I had NO IDEA what my son has or needs or wants any more. My new year's resolution is to start a Christmas club this year (um... been promising myself that for YEARS) and that I will really try to drag my head out of the proverbial sand and come up with something I can feel good about giving to two young adults.

Now if I can just get someone to help me take down these stupid Christmas decorations.

Big Bad Wolf

2010-10-08T05:49:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, God blessed me unexpectedly with a request to join my friend/boss for a little business trip down to Grapevine, TX. She had a home health/hospice conference to go to and her agenda included accommodations at the Great Wolf Lodge, which you may have seen highlighted on a recent episode of "Undercover Boss". She didn't want to go to this conference and stay at this very family oriented resort and leave her daughter at home (duh!) so she graciously asked Bethany and I to accompany her so that she could come along. I graciously accepted this offer... to stay at a fancy resort I couldn't afford 30 minutes away from my child that I couldn't afford to visit on the first weekend of his service in a new church. yay! How cool is that?

First let me say the the Great Wolf Lodge was all that the tv show described and more. Way cool for families with kids of pretty much any age under say 15 or so. But, as I told my facebook friends, I have one word for those unwittingly drawn to this kid vacation dream: stairs. Get ready people because one of the big events of this resort is a thing they call magiquest. The kids get to go on a massive scavenger hunt for cool stuff that covers the entire resort... all EIGHT floors. They "collect" their bounty with these little electronic wands that register their treasures and keep count of their points, which are posted on the magiquest channel on the television in their room and on various tv's throughout the resort. It is a BIG deal. I should mention here that one of the rules is NO ELEVATORS. I mean they have elevators, of course, but they are not to be used in the games. The kids all think that the elevators deduct points electronically if they are tempted to cheat. Now in all fairness, I don't really know this to be true. But I saw several children using various and sundry methods to avoid getting caught while using the elevators. One little girl has her magic wand up under her shirt. When I asked her why she was holding her wand under her shirt, she told me that one of the kids had told her that the elevator would be fooled if it was under her clothes. I asked her if it was possible that that other child had lied to her just to see her do something ridiculous. I have no idea what her conclusion was, because she ran off quickly as I boarded that elevator in blessed quietness. Another child was similarly dispensed with as she waited for the elevator, holding her wand carefully with her thumb over the end where the sensor was located. She assured me that this was a safe way to travel up the elevator without detection. I told her that was silly and that of course the elevator would still know. She took off just as quickly.

Elisha Otis would be proud.

Once upon a time...

2010-09-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

... there was this woman.

She was kinda getting old and had some issues with pain. Not just the getting old kind of issues; real issues with physical therapists and pills and stuff. She did all manner of things to cope with said pain. Hot tubs (at her sister's house - a whole nother story...), drugs to dull the pain, drugs to increase her pain tolerance, research to understand her pain, spiritual enlightenment to accept her pain. blah blah blah. Mostly she tries to keep her mouth shut about it because there are others in far worse circumstances; and, well... no one likes a whiner.

Over the course of years of dealing with this pain, she has developed TMJ (another painful condition, go figure) most likely from grinding her teeth. Hmmm; wonder why... I digress. In any case, at some point a physical therapist was called in to render assistance. He "gave" her a TENS unit, which is akin to a modern shock therapy treatment so small you can carry it in your purse. A personal taser, if you will.

Fast forward with me, a couple of years later to when her pain is back at an intolerable level. She went to the closet to pull out aforementioned personal taser to treat herself- which sounds a little inappropriate, but you get the point. She had her daughter carefully measure out the trigger points in her upper back that were the alleged cause of her pain and applied the contacts. The pain ridden woman then carefully chose a setting which delivered about as much zzzt as her sore muscles could endure. She closed the safety cover and curled up for a little snoozy.

About that time the beautiful, but cruel, daughter turned on the discovery channel and the sound of "mike's" voice from Dirty Jobs could be heard thru the living room. Aha, thought the woman in the midst of her treatment.... I like that show and it would give me something else to think about other than the taser that I have purposely attached to my own flesh.

She raised her head from the soft pillow in order to turn herself into a position in which to view the screen. In a twist of fate, she inadvertently flipped open the cover to the settings, spun the dial to full ZZZZZT, and flipped the cover closed.

There were several ways in which you could have relieved herself of this predicament. Unfortunately, she was unable to think of any of them.

She lived.

The End

Thirty four days

2010-09-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

That's how long it has been since I have held him, looked into his eyes, felt the stubble of his little man-face, and known for sure that he is really okay. We have talked; we have texted. We have spoken of love and shared cross words and made up again... all normal things but from 8 hours away.

I have cried in Walmart. I have cried at the mall, at work, and at church. I have cried in the kitchen, the living room, the shower. In some ways, it reminds me of childbirth. After nineteen hours of labor they put this tiny little piece of creation into your arms and all is forgotten. The mess, the pain... all fade into the sweetness of that face - which is, of course, the only reason you ever do THAT again. Somehow, when he walked out the door every power struggle we ever had, every pair of shoes I ever tripped over, every exhausted evening spent leaning over a tub, every vomiting session, every horrible piano recital... all gone. I miss him so much that I hurt. literally. It is the second hardest goodbye of my life.

Don't get me wrong. I wish him heaps and heaps of success. I don't wish him to come home, as much as I wish that I could roll back the clock to 1989 and do it all again. I love to hear of how much he loves his classes and how he is finally applying himself in school...

because someone is finally asking him to do something he cares about.

Finally.

2010-08-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

Okay... who is tired of hearing about my partially empty nest? I know I am. But, if you must know we survived the delivery. His apartment is actually bigger than the one we had when we married, but since I understand that he really doesn't want a big hairy dude in his nice new queen sized bed, I'll give him that. I had to share my first grown up room with the big hairy dude, but at least I got a washer and dryer in the hall. I guess it's just a trade off.

We drove around his chosen academy and were very impressed. We also got some really great tex-mex. The traffic in the Dallas/Fort Worth area is pretty much stand still in spite of all of the highways spiralling around each other. I think I got lost going to the bathroom. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance. We ended up leaving the GPS for him so that when he takes a wrong turn, he can find his way back to his new home. To which, hubbby asked how we were gonna get home.

We planned one last water park day at Hurricane Harbor. We went on a Saturday, which was pretty much a stupid plan. They were pretty busy. We got a good look at the park as we drove into town since it is practically ON the interstate. We climbed up one ginormous tower of death that nearly had me hyperventilating just standing in the line. I am one cool mom. I am sure that that is what they were thinking while I was clinging to the railing and making little squeaky noises every time they looked like they were thinking about looking down. Stupid boy in front of me thought he would have a little fun at my expense and proceeded to pretend to throw his pretty girl friend over. I don't think that she appreciated it either. I just kept remembering that silly article about the kid who was decapitated at six flags trying to retrieve his hat. I survived that actual flight down the slide, but I don't think that I will need to use a neti pot any time soon.

We rented a Ford Explorer for the trip since driving 20 hours or so in three days just sounds painful. I fell in love with it. Unfortunately, college bills are looming so it will have to wait.

for about 6 years...

Ewwww!

2010-07-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

Okay... he's leaving tomorrow.

He got enough cash from family to buy a really good mattress and I am so glad. I offered to give him the relatively new set of sheets that I have, because I have decided that I don't really care for them. He declined because he didn't want to sleep on sheets that his parents might have "done anything" in.

alrighty then.

two... one...

2010-07-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, Brian now has an address. It's in another STATE. Thank goodness for Cymbalta. I'm just saying. He was wondering the other day why I wasn't hysterical yet. I suspect he just wants a little warning when all the emotion that has been building is gonna blow. I've got nothing. It's the drugs. That, and the fact that my working full time keeps me too busy to think a whole lot. But, I must be reacting on some subconscious level because I keep waking up with raging headaches from my TMJ. I hope that wears off eventually.

I wasn't planning to drive all the way to TX just to get him settled in his new apartment. He is almost 21 years old for heaven's sake. I made the reservations yesterday.

We are planning one last family day at six flags hurricane harbor because nothing says I am going to miss you like hurling yourself down a swirling pipe into a giant wave pool.

Five. Four. Three...

2010-07-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was spent going thru all of Brian's clothes and shoes. Let me just say that my son has aLOT of shoes, which I think is a little weird for a guy. Almost no clothes; but a stink load of shoes.

We ended up with a bag of clothes to take, a bag of clothes that were going to good will, and a bag of clothes that were not even fit for good will. All of his laundry is currently done, which never happens; and now I need to take him shopping because they don't let them go to school naked. At least I hope not.

We bought him a box of his own pens; the kind he likes to steal from his daddy. I must be a bad mommy because I had a little chuckle the other day when I imagined him waking up one day with a migraine, stumbling to the medicine cabinet, and discovering that Excedrin doesn't just appear there. I giggle to myself a little when I hear him talking with his roommate about where to put the tv and the couch he is taking. They have no idea what they are doing, but there is really only one way to learn the details of life, other than standing in front of an empty medicine cabinet and realizing that you have to go to walmart and buy that stuff.

Speaking of Walmart... I need to stop on the way home. I went to the fridge the other day. We were out of butter. rats.

Ten. nine. eight. seven. six...

2010-07-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

So the count down has begun in earnest.

It started on the 24th of August 1989 when they wheeled me by his incubator. He was just over four pounds and a little more than 18 inches long. Now he's somewhere in the neighborhood of six foot two... eyes of blue. never mind.

Back then the hardest thing about being a new mother was leaving him at the hospital when they said I had to go home. Now he is the one leaving and I am on a roller coaster of pride and fear and joy and emptiness.

I can't help but compare this loss to the loss of his brother. I believe Daniel is in heaven, safe and sound. Brian is headed out to only God knows what. At least Brian can come home for Christmas. That's what I keep telling myself, but it feels like grieving all the same. I believe that I have done the work that led to this moment, but suddenly I see all of my failures in bold strokes. As he is headed out the door he is doing inventory of all that will go with him. I wonder if he will remember that the part of my heart that he stole all those years ago is bound for Texas with him.

God, I pray that you will shield him from the shortcomings of his parents and from his own folly. Remind him that we are always his no matter how far away he goes. Keep him safe; help him find a job; keep him focused; help him find a job. Send him a mate that is meet just for him; keep his heart steady for her sake. But most of all, God, please send him home for Christmas.
amen.

Summer fun

2010-06-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

This week the kids are gone to "camp". It isn't really camp. I mean they are sleeping on the floor at our church. in our town. down the street. However... there are a number of smaller churches from our community that are staying with them as they host their own version of camp. They are also hitting the streets doing mission projects, which is pretty cool since we just had a pretty devastating flood in our area. Of course it is the first week of summer and pretty much as hot as... well. you know. Anyway, I expect them to come home at the end of the week exhausted and really stinky.

David was sent down to Florida yesterday for a day of competition for work, so I spent last night alone. The dogs would be offended if they could read; they can't, so we're good. Schatzi tried to sleep with momma, but she would not fall for it. nosiree. Truly, however, snuggled up nice and tight. We went to bed early, as all working women would love to; and then stared at the ceiling for hours. The great paradox is that sleeping without a snoring machine is as impossible, or worse, than sleeping with one. grrr. Not to mention the fact that our tv watching habits make staying ALONE not a fun thing to do. I locked up tight when my sister left and barricaded us in the bedroom. I am such a baby.

Tonight, the snoring machine will be home so hopefully I can just head out to the couch like normal:)

There goes the budget

2010-06-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finally succumbed to the inevitable. I have hired a sweet college student to clean for me over the summer. I hereby admit defeat. I have this insane desire to come home to toilets that don't scare me and showers that don't gross me out. Of course this simply means that I clean like crazy the night before she comes over, but whatever. There are just, literally, not enough hours in the day to complete a woman's tasks; and if she is working full time... forget about it (insert nasally NY accent). When you add the summer time yard and pool stuff there is just no way.

Having someone in your house - even someone you trust- is somewhat daunting. This person is going to have access to all your stuff; know all of your deepest darkest secrets... assuming you have any. but still. Do I really want someone poking thru my medicine cabinet, seeing all of those expired prescriptions that I cannot seem to dispose of??? What about my secret stash of junk that really has no place, but I still keep it. Hair on the soap? Poo on the back side of the toilet lid?? KY jelly?? (sorry, dad) I mean really. Is it worth it??

It SO is:)

and yet I wonder.

Memorial Day 2010

2010-06-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

... will forever be the day that the God of the universe stepped into the life of my family and changed it's course forever. Tragedy was averted and I am eternally grateful. I wonder how often this happens when I am not even aware.

After a couple of hours of fun in the sun and the water, all of the kids came out for a little snack/supper time. So many little ones... so many adults... too much visiting and not enough paying attention. My fearless little great-niece slipped away from her juice box and over to the deep end. At just the right moment a dear friend "happened" to turn her head in just enough time to see her baby fingertips disappear over the edge. It makes my heart stop even now to remember her tiny self being pulled from the water.

I have loved my pool up until now. I am not sure anymore. It has been almost 24 hours and I am still crying off and on at the memory. To all of my friends this summer... be diligent. We often act like the unthinkable could never happen to us. It can.

Thank you God for grace this day. Thank you Tina for being more aware than all of the rest of us combined. Thank you Isabella, for your sweet marshmallow kisses when you left for home - safe and sound.

Seasons in life

2010-05-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

Once again I haven't blogged in a while... mostly because work has been a little overwhelming these last couple of months. We are working on a rather large "project" which has invaded my life and left me gasping for air. The word "project" is actually more like a euphemism for butt-load-of-junk-that-needs-doing-that-no one-else-can/will-do. They say that there is a sucker born every minute. I wonder what flavor that makes me... hmmmmm.

Summer is here again, in all of its glory. I hear that my pool is great. I wouldn't know:) BUT, my checkbook heard about it and it has been bragging to the saving account. SAVINGS ACCOUNT - hahaha - I crack myself up, sometimes.

My DVR is killing me. All of my shows, just waiting for me to curl up with the dogs. It is all I can do to keep up. Survivor is over. Russell lost. Need I say more. American Idol is over and Simon is leaving. Crystal lost there, and let me tell you, we are none too happy about this at our house. Dancing with the Stars is over... no wait; I don't have any idea what happened there because I don't watch that one. We have to draw the limit to the reality show variety, people! Bones is over for the season and Temperance (side note: love the name) has gone to timbucktoo... Fringe is over and Olivia's evil twin has come over to our reality. We are working our way thru the CSI season finales and the NCIS finales and the House finale... and Criminal Minds - YIKES! I am currently trying to figure out how to cut off all serial killers from my facebook and blogging site. I am pretty sure that I could have gotten that silly house clean by now if it weren't for that DVR. AND... I'd probably be wet by now, not to mention all the cool stuff that I would have blogged about.

One a sad note, we have had to send our Zoe punkin to live with another family. My working schedule is so all-consuming that the dogs have had to rethink their place in the pack. I have always kind of poo-pooed the idea of the "alpha dog" mentality, but we have watched the chain of command unravel before our very eyes. Zoe is naturally the alpha because she is the mommy. However, she is very laid back and happy and only comes into this position by default. Truly has decided to exert her decidedly strong will and no longer wants to be second in command. This led to some very serious fighting in the ranks. After much research and many tears, we decided it was in both of their best interests to split them up which of course led to my Sophie's Choice moment. Fortunately, the good people from whom we originally procured said yorkie was willing to welcome home one of their grandpuppies. She fit right back in. THAT is how I spell relief. Things have been much quieter on the dog front with her gone. Not that she was the noisy one, by any means... I guess that it is just the overall onelessness. The dogs are happier, but apparently I have offended a number of people for not "picking" them to be Zoe's new family. Don't really care so much, as long as she is spoiled rotten for the rest of her life.

Cause that's just how I roll.

Some changes that are more of the same

2010-04-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

In a great twist of irony, it appears that we will be heading back into the world of curriculum and grades and classes and all things schooly... too bad I gave away all my stuff.

Bethany has made quite an effort to like school; honor roll, all west, spring play. She just really hates it. She was planning a career in education. I told her she may want to rethink that. She complains alternately of being so tired that she can barely function and being bored out of her mind, which takes a great deal of focus. Although she has had some teachers that she has truly enjoyed, there is one... never mind. Let's just say that she will be taking a refresher course in Spanish before beginning Spanish 2, even though she has an average of 104 in that class.

She is also used to working at HER pace, which apparently is considerably faster that the norm. Who knew? I am concern about so much time being spent on one concept that there will not be time to complete the material, which wouldn't matter so much if there wasn't another class to take after that one. When you home school, you tend to know you are finished when there are no more pages in the book. In school school you are done when there are no more days in the year... not the same thing.

She also doesn't really "get" the drama; and we all know that high school girls are ALL about the drama. She gets along with other kids just fine, she just doesn't really understand the emotional stuff. We talked before she started school about the movie Mean Girls and how that the reason it struck such a chord was because it was quite accurate in its description of the different groups that she might expect to find. Don't get me wrong, she has been involved in youth group since the sixth grade and tae kwon do and swimming team and music lessons; all of which involved groups of kids. It's just that somehow school is different and high school is the most different of all.

She did get her invitation to join the "plastics" the first week or so of school, but as soon as she figured out who they were she distanced herself because that is not who she wants to identify herself with. Unfortunately, I think there may have been some fall out from that decision. Who wants to hang out with the new girl who spurns the attention of the popular crowd? Fortunately, real life - and even college - is not really like high school. I don't really see the need to torture her any further.

So, here I go... shopping for curriculum and coop classes and such again. Only now momma is working, which will be a whole 'nother deal. My sister has offered for her to do her work at her house. Yeah right. She will never get ANYthing done... neither will Bethany.

Fortunately, we only have one year left. I think that I am just going to buy what she needs to graduate and hand it over to her to deal with it. She tends to be overly responsible, so that really isn't an issue. Besides I figure that she will just keep working til it's done. When it's done is up to her. I don't have the first born compulsion for her to be the first and the fastest. Brian sucked it right out of me... that and the fact that she's not the first born.

Now... who did I give that globe to?

The corners of my mind

2010-03-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

I have always had a fascination with memories and how they are triggered. The other day my husband snuggled up behind me after his shower and I was instantly transported to Cancun where we spent our honeymoon. He has a particular cologne that he took with him on that trip that for some reason stands out in my mind. I am not even sure of the name of it, but he has hoarded it over the years and every once in a while he surprises me with a little mini vacation. The smell of Royal Copenhagen and leather also reminds me of our dating years; of who and what we were to each other back then... This morning I heard a snippet of the song, "Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croche and for a second I could see myself sitting in Swenson's ice cream parlor having an after dinner sundae with him. I have probably heard that song thousands of times... and eaten sundaes at that restaurant dozens of times. Why that particular memory??? I have no idea, except that I distinctly remember hearing it playing over the sound system while we were there at some point.

The sharp, almost bitter smell of a new born baby's head before its first bath will always remind me of Daniel. The sweetness of baby lotion and powder makes me think of Brian and Bethany and Madison as I bathed their sweet babyness.

My dad's mother lived in a very old wood framed farm house in Iowa when I was a child. She has been gone for the better part of twenty years now, but the smell of an old wood house or the raspberries that she grew in her garden and I am a puddle of tears. Her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and she has been close in my thoughts. When I close my eyes and drift into sleep, right before it overtakes me... I can almost remember the sound of her voice. The ticking sound of an old wind up mantle clock reminds me of the nights that I spent buried in her feather mattress listening to her reading to me. I remember that she had a book about birds and the sounds that they make and I was so fascinated that the chickadee made the sound of its own name. I remember the sounds of dad and mom and grandma talking in the next room while that very same clock chimed out the hours. I remember how when I was fifteen and was so hurt by something that Dad had said to me that I was crying like a baby... how she held me and told me the truth. How she had seen his love for me and his hurt at the separation that divorce had brought. I remember her quirkiness at hoarding foil tv trays for some unknown reason and her love for gardening and how she could talk your head slap off!! I remember walking with her into town because she didn't drive and going to bingo with her and her senior citizen group while she proudly showed me off. It pains me that my kids can never really share in these memories.

Happy birthday, Grandma. I love you & I miss you so much...
God grant that I become half the woman that you were.

Change Shmange

2010-03-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

To say that working full time again has changed my life would be the understatement of the century. The last time I worked these hours we hand wrote our journal entries and there was no such thing as (gasp:) the internet. And I had no children. or dogs. We had a cat, but truthfully you don't really have a cat as much as it has you.

We lived in an apartment and thought we were so grown up. as IF. Years don't grow you up near as much as kids do... and trouble. And trouble with kids grows you up the most. That's what I hear anyway; mine are perfect angels (dodging the lightening:)

This time around I am determined to not eat out so much, as we did in those days. I am trying to learn to cook several meals over the weekend and store them in such a way as to preserve a modicum of yumminess for later in the week. It's a challenge. I have learned a few things that work and few that don't. Sometimes the whole meal is left over friendly; sometimes just part can be pre-cooked. And I am trying not to worry about the land fill that I am personally responsible for with my foil pans.

I can't really figure out when to shop. Walmart is CRAZY on the weekends, but I'm exhausted in the evenings. Hubby plays a friendly little game of poker a couple of times a month. I am thinking about trying it then. I spend less when he is not with me. Not that he doesn't get goodies, mind you; he is all about the food related surprises. Somehow, I spend more on other stuff when he is around; much like I do when my sister and I team up. I guess that I am just distracted. Maybe there are Walmart employees who just sneak around the store adding a few items here or there to the ever growing cart. If my kids can get by with it, I assure you that a complete stranger would never even be noticed.

Laundry is also a challenge to get finished over the weekend because you can only make the washer and dryer go SO fast. At least the weather is warming up so I will be able to take advantage of the clothesline that I got last spring. That moves things along a little quicker, and they smell so yummy when I remember to bring them in off the line. Leaving them out in the rain is... well, not so yummy.

I am watching the weeds coming up in what should be a flower bed and sigh to myself. There is no chance that I am going to get to that. The hall has been spackled for painting for two years. whatever.

At least my sister has blessedly succombed to my pleading to groom the girls and I have spoken to a very nice lady who can come and clean my shower.

Yay... maybe I will see that pool this summer.

A Month in Review

2010-03-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

YIKES... it's been a month since the last blog. So much has happened.

One of the dogs peed in my bed. the sheets were new. and freshly washed.
Same dog pooped on my bed while I was in the shower. after I washed the peed sheets.
I am pretty sure that she is mad. I know that I am. She is mad about the new dog run that is 10 x 10 instead of the nice big ole yard that she has had free reign of for the last couple of years. I am mad about... well, you know what I am mad about.

I went to Disney World for the first time:)

I sat with the most beautiful girl on the planet and watched the fireworks over Cinderella's castle.

I saw my sister pay a hundred bucks to have scrambled eggs with some chick in a Cinderella costume. I didn't break it to her that she is really a cartoon.

Had an argument with Drucilla about whether or not she could have my chocolate chip mint ice cream... right in the middle of a parade. paid $5 for that bowl... darn right I kept it.

I rode the monorail.

I ate a turkey leg that tasted like pork. Not sure how this is done.

I traded WAY too many pins.

I rode the Hollywood Tower of Terror. twice:)

I missed my hubby and my son.

I missed my dogs.

One of them did NOT miss me.

Apparently I'm a dog whisperer

2010-02-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

I just left a status update on facebook about my horrific experience giving CPR to my scrappy little yorkie runt. I am sure that my family is tired of hearing me talk about it; but there is something about a really traumatic event that makes you feel the need to tell it over and over. Why? no idea. I mean, wouldn't it be better to forget the bad stuff... instead of reliving it? whatever.

So, for everyone ELSE... Last Friday, I sent the baby (aka. schatzi, shoo schoo, shoop de do, scoobydoo, precious baby girl, momma's baby, super dog - you get the idea) to the groomer for her spring hair cut. That in itself was a little traumatic since there was snow on the ground. Bethany went to drop her off on her way to school only to discover that there was some sort of appointment snaffu in which I entered the wrong date into my planner, or they did... depends on whom you ask. In any case, they grudgingly received yet another dog to groom for the day, which is not exactly how a dog owner wants this process to go. Especially the ones who are a little nuts about their yorkie babies.

Fast forward to that evening, where I had much shopping to do after work and did not get home until pretty much bed time. Enter guilt. My precious baby had not seen me all day and therefore I felt compelled to let her sleep at my feet... stupid mommy. Itty babies who wuv their mommies never STAY at your feet. They wait until you are sleeping and then sneak (no exaggeration here) up to your side and snuggle in.

Unfortunately, Daddy was there too. Schatzi decided to throw caution to the wind and wedge herself between us. Fortunately, I am a very light sleeper and when Dad decided to flip over sometime around 2:30 am it woke me up and I (instantly taking in these circumstances) deflected the inevitable smashing. Sometime soon after I reached down and Schatzi felt a little off. I really have no other explanation than that. I just knew something wasn't right.

I picked her up to find her not breathing. In complete panic, I threw on the light and started trying to rouse her with no luck. I was talking to her and petting her vigorously without a change. Her eyes were open, but not awake. I pried her mouth open and swept the back of her throat with my finger in case she had choked. nothing. I actually shoved my finger down her throat with no reaction whatsoever. At this point I wrapped my hand around her snout and puffed a breath into her lungs. over and over again. After about 4 or 5 puffs, she finally began to come around.

I held her and talked to her for a while and eventually took her to the living room to hold her for the rest of the night. Thankfully (and I DO mean thankfully) she recovered with no apparent problems. My vet friend says that I was very lucky. Moments later would have been too late. I will never make the mistake of letting her sleep with us again.

She may never sleep with mom and dad again, but life is looking pretty good for this little bit of sunshine. Her mommy has decreed that she can have anything and she can do anything she wants to do from now on.

Truly is trying to convince me that she was faking it.

ramblings about nothing much

2010-01-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

While I am sitting here whining to myself at the lack of blogging material to read from various and sundry friends, I am struck by the irony that it has been a while since I have written anything. oops.

Of course the job is sorta taking up most of my time. That and trying to make it up to the kids. and the dogs. Mostly the dogs, since the kids don't seem to have noticed that their mother is no longer around. Schatzi is trying to convince me that sleeping with us at night is the only way that she will ever know that she is loved again. Truly just blows her kisses from the bed as Daddy carries her off to the kitchen and her crate for another night of solitary confinement. Zoe sleeps with Bethany and is perfectly content with that arrangement. I am not sure if she has noticed that I am gone, either.

Anyhoo... the count down has begun to Disney. Truly has officially earned the right to make the trip with mom and Bethany. The other girls are just too unruly - code for running away when mom is screaming "come here!!!". I have my official mickey mouse sweatshirt hoodie in hand... much too big, but whatever. I am shopping for a fanny pack now to carry stuff around the park. Do you know that Eeyore stuff is really hard to find. Is this too much to ask? I mean really.

that's all I have time for today:)
see you next month.

2010... and all that that entails

2010-01-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

As we enter into the new year; a new decade, even... I would like to take a moment to pray for less trips to the emergency room than last year. I should have known when the year began with the firstborn throwing himself down a mountain a bazillion miles away from home that we were in for a bumpy ride. Two surgeries, two MRIs, and countless xrays and ultrasounds later the doctor bills are enough to depress Mickey Mouse.

Speaking of Mickey Mouse, the baby girl and I are going to sneak out of town in a few weeks and crash my sister's family vacation to Disney world. I have never been (thanks, DAD:) so we are very excited. Besides, the last real vacation that we have taken was somewhere around nine or ten years ago. I mean, does camping really count as a vacation? I don't think so... not the way I do it anyhow. Unfortunately, Disney is so expensive that only half of the family can afford to go; but, the boys are being very grown up about it. so far.

We are also trying to get the dogs settled for the new year. With momma gone twelve hours a day and three yorkie bladders... well; you do the math. To the end that we don't have to put in concrete floors, we have decided to install a puppy door. Then we have to deal with the problem of dogs barking all day and bothering the neighbors and potential bad people stealing them while they are lounging around unsupervised all day. We also don't want any stray children or other animals coming IN the puppy door. AND... we can't run the risk of any of them being in the mood and having free reign to entice the entire neighborhood to come over and visit. just saying. Holy stinkin' cow... does anyone need a dog? just kidding; I can't part with my babies. I guess you get the point that this is a major project. And by "project" I mean "money pit".

Happy New Year, people!!

Tis the Season

2009-12-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

This Christmas season sure is shaping up to be a different experience; what with momma and her new job. I'm still loving the job, by the way... but I miss not baking cookies with my sister and my daughter. They did it without me this year. Did that sound like pouting? It was.

I've done most of my shopping with hubby this year, which we haven't done for years. That was nice; but shopping for him has been a challenge:) It's one thing to pull the wool over the eyes of a two year old. But a grown man?... Just point him into the fishing lure isle.

Most of the celebrating is complete with the exception of the actual day. Church musicals and Sunday school parties are done as well as one of the four extended family get togethers. One of the extended family parties has said nary a word about getting together this year. I must be in trouble. Oh well.

Love me some Christmas time:)

New lessons about old stuff

2009-12-08T11:12:00.000-08:00

So much for my brilliant plan of weekend blogging. Weekends at this point are somewhat of a blur of laundry and cooking and shopping and church. I am not sure what I was thinking when I said that I would have time to sit at a computer... or that I would want to after sitting at one all day every other day of the week.

So... I am going to try lunch time blogging before I give this up completely:)

I have learned a few things about myself these last few busy weeks. First, I really am a list nerd. Not that I haven't been told that over the years; sometimes with a smile and sometimes not so much... I do believe that "control freak" may have been used. whatever. Those who accuse often rely on my organized nature to bring order to their own lives; and eat at my table come Thanksgiving. I'm just saying.

My job is primarily about bringing order to the chaos of insurance submissions and rejections and such. It comes as no real surprise that insurance companies are not falling all over themselves to pay their providers in spite of the ridiculous premiums that we pay. Seeing it on paper is a bit of an eye opener, I must admit; but charting their insufficiencies is really fascinating.

I have also learned that I LOVE sleeping to work. That little cat nap is just what I need to make it thru the day. I really hate it when hubby tells me he is test driving a car home for the night, cause although that means I get to go home an hour early; it also means that I will be driving myself to work at the crack of dawn. yuck.

And... I have been reminded that I am a bit short tempered with rude and/or stupid drivers. It has been years since I have regularly driven in the high volume of rush hour. Memphis drivers are the worst. The shoulder is NOT A LANE, PEOPLE... and I will stick my little Malibu hiney over the line to make you follow the rules without any remorse whatsoever. And when I am tooling along with the flow of traffic, do NOT mosey over in front of me if you are not willing to keep up. And, no, flipping on your bright lights will not make me want to move out of your way so that you can blow my doors off.

Just for the record, I am not sleeping and driving at the same time:)

I sleep to work and drive home.

In case you were wondering.

Weekend update

2009-11-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

Apparently this blogging thing is going to be down to once a week. During the sixth load of laundry of the weekend, I have allotted 9.2 minutes in which to update friends and family as to my life. Mostly because I no longer have time to SEE any of them:)

Bethany had All-West this weekend. She got to leave school early, which she thought was pretty cool, and go practice with some amazingly talented young people and a really fun director. Their concert was this Saturday, so we got all gussied up and went downtown to watch and ogle them. Of course, you have to be careful what you say at these things, since you never know whose parents you are sitting next too... but, may I just say that the soloist was A-MA-ZING. That David boy from American Idol had nothing on him, and I really wanted him to win.

Interesting note during this event. It appears that true courtesy is lost in my generation. Of course the auditorium is packed to standing room only, but it doesn't even occur to the people sitting next to the empty seats to make room or be inviting to those of us who were new and had no idea how packed this thing was going to be. When I finally did get a seat, there were three seats on my left with a woman sitting in the middle. At the approach of a sweet looking married couple she had no problem admitting that the seats were empty... it just didn't occur to her to move over and let them sit together. So, wifey sat on my left with her bewildered hubby on the other side of this stranger. How RUDE!

I also had a snippy little girl waiting on us at Sam's Friday night. Why do they do this thing where a lone checker girl logs all of your intended purchases into her space age hand held computer thingy while you are waiting in line? For some reason, she doesn't do the meat and she was also having trouble keeping up with what she had and had not scanned. I was trying to keep up because I don't want to be overcharged, but we still couldn't remember if she had rung up the trash bags... Guess those are free:) When I pointed out that there were only two lines open on Friday night at 7PM with about a dozen or so people waiting each and that maybe they should consider opening one of the plethora of empty registers she informed me that she would if they HAD more people. Hmmm. Maybe she could use a register; didn't say it, just thought it. What I did say was that I thought that that was funny considering my son who has been looking for work for months and can't seem to find anyone hiring. I guess that the people at Sam's think that as long as we will continue to wait in line for 30 minutes per visit, all while our ice cream is becoming... cream... they can add to the bottom line by utilizing less working bodies.

Oops... there's the dryer buzzer.

See you next week:)

As my world turns

2009-11-07T15:23:00.000-08:00

For my many followers... a-hem - all eight of you:) you may have been wondering where I have been for the past few weeks and how that interview went.

Well, the winterview (as my niece calls it:) went just fine; and I have been busy working at my NEW JOB!! I am officially the billing coordinator for that fine home health agency I was talking about. A whole job that is nothing but charts and lists and Excel spreadsheets. I'm in heaven. AND... I get to work with a very good friend, who just happens to be one of the owners of the company. My goodness, God is SO good.

AND... get this - I get chauffeured to work every morning by hubby. If you happen to be driving down the highway of my town and see someone sitting in the front seat of a little Malibu, curled up with her "fuzzy" blanket and pillow, with her bath and body works velour eye cover upper sound asleep - yeah, that would be me... heading in to work!! Of course, you would have to be up VERY early to see such a sight because we are heading into town at the CRACK OF DAWN. literally. For some strange reason, David thinks that he needs to be at work at least a half hour before the rest of humanity. For a former night person, this is unthinkable. He has to be at work at 7:15; fifteen minutes before his wife who has to be at work at 7:30 and happens to work about seven minutes away. You would think that this would be perfect for us, except for his stupid thirty-minute-early rule. So, I just stay in the car with my fuzzy blanket and continue to snooze until my hand dandy blackberry alerts me to my 7:15 deadline. Then I head on over to my spreadsheets awakened and refreshed.

After work is a little less convenient, since I get off of work an hour before him.

The good news is that there is a brand new Target just down the road.

Jackpot.

Round and round and round she goes...

2009-10-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

Where she stops, nobody knows.

This summer has been one big giant whirlwind of change, not my strong suit I must admit. I am getting a little dizzy; and it is not over yet. I have a second interview with a home health care organization that I am pretty excited about. They need someone to do their billing and collections for them and I am just the girl to do it.

It can't be any harder getting money out of insurance companies than it was to get cable companies to pay their subcontractors, something I have had a little experience with. These giant media conglomerates work very hard to complicate their billing procedures to the end that payment can sometimes take months to process while the little subcontractor companies are scrambling to make payroll week to week. I can't tell you how many hoops that I have had to jump thru to get a positive cash flow... "stand on your left foot, pat your head, close one eye... ship three copies of the invoices to two different locations (overnight, of course), call Joanie or Mark or Steve". And of course they changed my contacts constantly; either they were in a different office or a different state or had been replaced altogether.

Been there; done that. Bring it on:)

Three blind mice

2009-10-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

When I think of mice, I think of cute little furry faces sewing and singing things like, "we can do it, we can do it. We can help our Cinderelly, we'll make a dress so pretty; there's nothing to it really..." BUT, when they are scurrying across my peripheral vision thru the laundry room and leaving evidence of their presence in the pantry baskets - that is just not cool. Especially when you throw into the equation the three yorkies that live here on purpose. Yorkies were especially bread to combat rodent issues, so they take great offense at the little interlopers.

Because of the dogs, I refuse to use any kind of poison to rid myself of these little critters. Hubby thought that the glue traps would work, but one very early morning session with a tiny little cartoon character sealed to a black death trap and screaming its lungs out assured me that this was not for us. I much prefer the old tried and true "bait and wack" trap of our forefathers. After the glue strip fiasco, three other bait and wack successes, and several nights following with no results I decided that I could ditch what was left of my traps. What a fool was I:)

Yesterday, Schatzi had a fit in my bedroom while I was cleaning. This usually means that she has inadvertently rolled her beloved tennis ball into an inaccessible area. I tried to convince her that her ball would not fit behind the dresser, but after a half hour or so of whining and scratching I finally pulled the dresser out from the wall for her to have a look see. Picture this... I am moving furniture at the request of a five pound ball of hair. Of course, by then the mouse was long gone and I got the satisfaction of being right.

However, today as I was checking my mail and various other online stuff I happened to see the dreaded flash of scampering feet running under the dryer. Needless to say, I have purchased a new round of traps and will start them tonight. Unless someone knows if singing, sewing mice also do laundry.

Dogs days

2009-09-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

As we approach the end of the work day, it appears that we have had what appears by all rights to be a good day. We say that with caution because every time we think that, it all goes to caca... but you get the point.

Having said that, my version of a good day these days is that I took a shower and made my bed. Oh, and I put a roast in the oven to cook for supper. Hubs will be so proud - especially of that shower thing. Hair is clean. Legs are shaved. Not a stitch of make up. Oh well, you can't have it all; at least not at the same time:) Hey, and I just have to say that shaving those legs is no small feat, given the amount of drugs I have been taking lately. He should just be thankful that I still HAVE two legs.

I just would like to take a moment to thank Spike TV for having non stop CSI episodes all day every day. I never have been into soaps, but a good murder? who can resist that? It also helps that I have already seen most all of those episodes, so as I drift in and out of consciousness I can still keep up with what is going on.

The dogs have come to think of me as just one of the girls. Laying around all day. Just getting up now and again to pee or get a drink. I am resisting the urge to chase the ball down the hall right now.

Bethany is doing very well in school and I am so proud. The year is already flying by with pictures taken and homecoming this week. Tomorrow is field day. She doesn't even know what "field day" is. She has never done homecoming. It's kinda neat to see her experiencing some more traditional school things. Don't get me wrong, we loved the home schooling thing. I guess this just reaffirms our decision about the timing of this move. Her grades are good, and she is developing good relationships with teachers and students alike. Wow; she amazes me every day. Take THAT, you anti-home schooling "they-will-never-learn-social-skills" dummies. Whew - please excuse me; it's the drug talking:)

Back to the couch people. ttfn.

It's a boy

2009-08-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago you gave me the most precious gift of being a mom. I gave you the gift of 19 hours of natural childbirth. I may have mentioned it a time or two in the last twenty years...

As you grew...

you became athlete,

and musician,

and hero...

and your mom's pride and joy.

Love you SO much, Brian

Hello again, hello.

2009-08-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah. I know. It's been a month. I've been a little busy having organs removed and stuff. I am having a momentary break where the level of drugs is high enough to blur the pain without turning my brain to mush, so I thought I would give out a little update to my friends who think that I have been abducted by aliens.

As I have alluded to in the past, I have an autoimmune disease that my doctor refers to as Mixed Connective Tissue Disease which of course no one has ever heard of. Even the nurse at the hospital when I was doing the pre-op work up seemed confused by the name and the list of meds that I take every day. These med keep in the inflammation in my connective tissues from irritating things like... oh... my heart and lungs and junk like that. The amount of pain that I am in pretty much depends on how much inflammation I am experiencing, so we like to keep that down in order for me to do stuff like get out of bed.

Anyhoo... these last years the meds have been doing a better than fair job of keeping things under control. Guess you could call that a remission of sorts. In any case, it seems that the stress of gall bladder surgery was more than my immune system could process because as the pain from surgery began to subside, I was left with more than my fair share of inflammation and therefore the chest pain has returned. Guess you could call this a relapse.

I am being kind of flippant here because no one likes to get bummed out, but this is pretty much my worst nightmare so I could use whatever love and support I can get. and prayers. and cookies. just kidding:)

Moving on... surgery went off without a hitch, you will be glad to know. Woke up in recovery without orders for pain meds. That wasn't too much fun. Anesthesia apparently makes me violently ill, which wasn't too much fun either, but over all it was fine. And, that pain the in wrong side of my abdomen seems to be gone as well. who knew? And the dogs??? they were all over momma and laying around during recovery. Discovered that Schatzi really is that lazy.

Surgery happened to fall on Bethany's first week of school. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would about her leaving. Could have been because I was pretty much unconscious. Good thing she can drive. I'm just saying.

emergency room adventures

2009-07-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

In my relentless effort to stick it to the insurance company, I decided to make a little run to the emergency room the other night. It turns out that your gall bladder can cause a whoppin' bunch of pain when it gets a little testy. It also turns out that they like to remove it when that happens. yay me.

I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow, to the end that I follow the ER instructions to "have it out within the week". Sure hope he has an opening. So, off I go to another surgery. Two in three months. wow; that's crazy. Sure hope it works. I have spent years on the treadmill of testing/no diagnosis/throw pills at the symptoms. I don't really have alot to faith in the medical community and since the pain that I am having is nowhere near my gall bladder... well; we'll see. BUT, my deductible should be met so I say go for it.

For some reason hospitals don't just give you a blanket... and if you need a pillow; forget about it. In my genius, I rolled up the pants that I had worn into the hospital to use as a pillow. While they were transporting me all over tarnation checking for gall stones and kidney stones, it suddenly occurred to me that in my drugged stupor I may lose track of my makeshift pillow. I could just picture me trying to leave the hospital without my pants. hm. that was funnier when I was drugged. go figure.

While I was donating blood and other bodily fluids, they discovered that I had a UTI. hmmm. They gave me an IV drip of leviquin for the UTI, which apparently my stomach does not care for. I would say that I was projectile vomiting by the time I got home, but that would just be gross. It took me a couple of days to be able to pick my head up off of the pillow, but its all good now. They also gave me some good pain medicine for the gall stones. For some reason it gives me a raging headache which makes no sense at all. All in all, it's shaping up to be a pretty poopy week.

After the wonderful night at the ER, hubby was driving me home thru a very violent lightening storm that proceeded for several hours. The strobing effect of the lights was really not helping my nausea, but we made it home without getting electrocuted so I was thankful. We got home to find Truly anxiously awaiting our arrival. The thunder was scaring the bjeepers out of her. I relented and let her sleep in our bed, but I spent the next couple of hours peeling her off of my head. It wasn't pretty.

I will be SO glad when this week is over.

Summer Reading

2009-07-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Bethany's summer reading assignment includes Silas Marner, which I distinctly remember as being the most boring book of all time with the possible exception of The Good Earth, and a biography or autobiography of her choice. She didn't have any particular preference for the biography, other than it should be as short as possible, so I went to the used book store to pick up a little something on her behalf. There was a whole shelf of possibilities, but since I didn't really think that she would be interested in the life of Jackie Kennedy or Princess Diana, I was stumped. I did run across a couple of copies of Mommie Dearest, which brought back a deluge of memories of junior high when the girls were passing around a copy of that with the "good" pages marked. Most of what I learned about boys and girls came from Margaret's talks with God and Christina Crawford. I decided to pass on that one.

I finally found a relatively small biography of C.S. Lewis which I thought that she would enjoy. She has always been a big fan of the Chronicles of Narnia, so this should keep her interest for a bit.

I have mostly been reading junk... and alot of it here lately. I guess that it is time for me to dig out my copy of Jane Eyre or maybe The Scarlett Letter. Bethany and I read To Kill a Mockingbird together last year and she enjoyed it so much that she has read it again just for herself, although we haven't gotten thru the entire video of it yet.

I love that my kids are old enough to enjoy literature with me. Brian and I spend alot of time tearing the movie version of The Count of Monte Cristo apart, but the Bethany and I love Pride and Prejudice. We both think that Mr. Darcy is the most romantic character of all time.

Do yourself a favor... get a bookcase and start stocking it. Your kids will be there before you know it:)

The small stuff

2009-07-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

As I sit here listening to the pitter patter of the rain on the roof, I am feeling a little tickled with myself. All summer long I have been playing this little game with God that goes something like this... 1) hm. the pool is a little low. guess I'll drop a hose in it and add a little water (cha ching) 2) forget the hose is running... rats. 3) rain three inches 4) drain excess water out of the pool. Today it needed water in the worst way, but would I give in?? nope. It's fine now. Thanks God.

Today is also Brian's day off of work. He was going to go fishing with some friends. He was gone about 15 minutes when the deluge came. chuckle. chuckle. When you get older the smallest things amuse you:)

Yesterday, in the wee hours of the morning hubby stepped out of bed into an unfortunate pile of what occasionally happens when you have three dogs. He jumped back onto the other foot into a puddle of what happens when they have been trying and trying to get you to get up off the couch and let them out. I did not laugh. out loud.

My favorite... I recently shocked the socks off of a teenager with my uncanny ability to read her mind.

Four weeks and counting

2009-07-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

Last night I looked down at the dash of my car to find the "check oil" light flashing at me. Usually I just deal with this by turning off the engine and starting it again... just to see if it is serious. Seems that the silly thing is 4000 miles past its due date; must be those crazy kids and all their driving. I guess that I better run it down to Walmart for an oil change...

Speaking of change... has anyone else noticed their kids slipping back into the natural urge to take you for granted and walk all over you on a daily basis? I'm thinking that it must be that time again. You know; the time when you put on your big girl panties, stand up as straight as you can, and put down your size eights... real hard. A friend of mine sent out an email this morning talking about "boot camp" at her house, which totally cracks me up because when the kids were small I actually used to call it that, too.

What is even funnier to me is that I started the routine last night... before I had heard a word from Jenny:) Like I said, it must be that time of year. We have just four short weeks to get these kids ready for the new school year. move it. move it. move it. (you have to say that part like a drill sergeant, in case you were wondering about the bold print:)

Of course, these days boot camp looks much different. Mom's first step to independence looked like this... crazy woman collecting all of the phones - cell and otherwise, dish remotes, and locking the computer down on the way to bed. I have learned the hard way that teens take advantage of these items while the people who work are sleeping. As the teens watch in terror at the crazy woman lining up these items on her dresser the conversation goes something like this...

"Mom, I was gonna call so-and-so"

"I'm sorry son, but you don't have phone service..."

"Yes we do... you just put the phones on your dresser"

"Nope; your dad and I have phone service and internet and dish network cause we have paid for it. You have nothing. good night."

Since I still haven't seen his sweet face as it rolls past 10 am, I am thinking that I have yet to get thru to this child.

hmmm. what next?

Blue Cross Blue Big-Fat-Hole-In-The Shield

2009-07-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll:) Internet is back up and running... yippee and don't ask:)

In the days while I have been running silent, we have been having some more trips to the doctor over here. Not me, for once - but I'm still paying the copays. Brian has an auto immune disease called ankylosing spondylitis, which I only mention because someone else may be suffering from this degenerative disease and be in need of support. In any case, his has been in remission for a couple of years in that it really hasn't appeared to be advancing until this past week. Now his pain is extensive and the nerve running down his left leg is so agitated that it is causing the muscle to spasm, etc. blah blah blah. This is a difficult time for him and we would appreciate your prayers, but I won't embarrass him by boring you with the details.

After a harrowing night, we tried to make a visit to his primary care doctor only to discover that our particular network with Blue Cross is no longer welcome at his office. I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that it isn't the doctor's fault... His ortho doc was out of town for the holiday and his reumatologist has retired. yay. We were so fortunate to find a replacement ortho doc who could see him quickly. Medrol dose pack and two visits later and we are checking into the hospital radiology department for a new MRI.

Did I mention that we have a deductible for that? Those BCBS people are killing me with their "deductibles". Did you know that an MRI is $1500...? Did you know that each member of our family has a $1500 deductible? When I mentioned to the lady checking us in at the hospital that I had recently had surgery on my hand and that it was $1500... the same price as a 30 minute nap in a giant camera, she didn't seem too impressed.

Interestingly enough, as the bills roll in for Brian's broken collar bone and treatment in January, my hand injury and subsequent surgery, and now this I am finding that BCBS is not paying so much as they are "adjusting" the bills.

alrighty then.

whatever.

2009-06-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

I have discovered that when you have a pool, you no longer wear clothes in the summer. You just roll out of bed into your bathing suit because you never know when you will have to urge to take a quick dip. Saves on the clothing budget.

So this morning I tossed on today's suit of choice, let the dogs out to potty, and proceeded to water all of the flowers that I just had to have... all the while trying not to imagine the cha ching of the water meter. The dogs and I came in, had a bite to eat, and proceeded to check our email when I realized that (gasp!), I have a physical therapy appointment this morning. As I jumped up to get some real clothes on, I remembered...

The kids have my car.

never mind.

Chemistry 101

2009-06-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I hated high school chemistry. I am not even sure that I passed that class. I remember nothing about it, except that the teacher was strange and there was a huge chart to memorize. You would think that that chart would have appealed to me. It didn't.

Now I have a pool and the joke's on me, people. Last week I put in a very expensive bottle of stain remover stuff. Last year I learned my lesson about that stain remover stuff here - http://http://eeyorescorner.blogspot.com/2008/07/no-i-did-not-pee-in-pool.html - if you have forgotten.

Anyhoo... I am now afraid to add anything to the pool too soon, because every time they try to explain the chemicals to me and how they interact with each other I go into some kind of trance. I see their lips moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah. See my problem?

Now the water has started to smell funny, and not in a haha sort of way. On a side note, I was complaining to hubby about the funny smell of the water and he almost drown getting a good whiff. Now THAT was funny in a haha sort of way:)

I sent Brian into the scary pool store with a water sample (one of theirs, this time:) so that they could test the water. Turns out that my stabilizer is a little low... okay, I have some of that. My ph is perfect... go me. And my chlorine is non existent... oops, gonna need some of that. Funny thing is, we just had a new chlorinator installed about 10 days or so ago. Now what. Brian dropped a chlorine tab into the skimmer for a quick fix, while I figure out how the chlorine is not getting to the pool. The dial is set full open; what could be wrong. I was laying in bed last night when I had a crazy idea... I wonder if the chlorinator is empty... checked in this morning.

yup.

physical therapy for dummies

2009-06-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I have this little hand thing going on. Apparently every visit to the therapist is going to be subject to my ever increasing co-pay. yippee. The first thing they want to know is, "are you doing your exercises?". I mumble something incoherent into my other hand... Then they ask, "are you wearing the brace we made for you?". More mumbling.

That's when the fun starts. They have been putting my hand into this strange little contraption that is full of corn husks. that's right. corn husks. It's kinda powdery, but it has the distinct smell of the silo that we used to play in when I was a kid.

Anyhow... they heat the corn husk stuff and blow it around inside the machine with my hand trapped inside. It's a good thing that my fingers aren't claustrophobic, like I am; because, I have to admit, it feels pretty good. But, I have to ask myself... who thinks this stuff up? I mean really; corn husks? It's kinda of like getting caught in a tornado in Iowa in July. only just my hand. weird.

Then there is the ultrasound. It is supposed to reduce the scar tissue which is making my mobility difficult. When I told Brian about it, he asked what my hand was "having".

Next crazy idea involves stretching out the damaged index finger. streeeetch. puuuuush. puuuull. beeeend. cuuuuuurl. ouuuuuuch. Then we exercise, bending and curling every imaginable direction. Yeah, pretty much everything that is uncomfortable to do. we do it. over and over again.

Then, she gets out the equipment. We start with a pair of stainless steel orbs about the size of ping pong balls and I have to roll them around and around in the palm of my hand. Then she got out a box of little fuzzy balls like your grandmother would use to make toilet paper doll covers and made me pick them up one at a time using my yucky finger, and tucking them in the palm of the yucky hand. Of course I had to make it challenging by pick up one color at a time. I'm weird like that.

Last but not least, she got out the "massager" which I have to say looks slightly inappropriate, to jangle my nerves into submission. She says that they have to be careful not to call it a vibrator because the men get all giggly. nuff said.

She did a bunch of measurements and said I was doing great. One more visit before my final visit with the doc, and we should be good to go. Now if I can just keep from closing this dead finger in a door or something, I should be in good shape.

rambling nothingness

2009-06-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one day. Don't YOU feel lucky:)

I cannot tell you how weird it feels to type with a numb finger and thumb. I swear if there was some way to type with a lisp, I would be doing it. thorry, I jutht crack mythelf up thometimeth.

Anyway... the thumb is not nearly as dead as the finger, but every time I hit the space bar it's like stomping your foot while its asleep. I'mthinkingabouttypinglikethisforawhile. I don't think that that will work. The finger is just dead weight. I am just dragging it around from key to key and bonking it on the letter, which is slowing down my incredible pace. oh well.

I was hoping to avoid physical therapy, but the doctor put the fear of God into me and, well; I caved. I went straight from his office to the perky devil woman down the hall. Heat therapy... ahh. followed by exercises. OW. Not exactly the spa, but if I can write my name when this is over, then it's all good.

By the way... and totally off the subject. While I have been convalescing, Bethany has gone from driving permit to full fledged licence. yay me. While it is convenient to have her able to drive herself back and forth to music lessons and to Sonic to get me a root beer float, somehow I missed the part where she will now no longer be home. and neither will my car. I think that they both still live here...

Now I have a 19 years old and a 16 year old, neither one of which who owns a car. Between Brian going back and forth to work and various activities and Bethany jetting about town to this and that I am literally stranded in my own home. I make the car note, and the insurance, and fill it with gas and I NEVER have a car. If I had a nickel for every time I have opened the door to leave, only to be faced with an empty carport... that pool would not be such a problem. I'm just saying.

All of that to say that there was actually a day when I told myself that I would not be of those parents who handicapped their children by providing their transportation. I wanted them to learn the lessons of self reliance and responsibility. whatever. I think that those parents may have known something that I had yet to learn.

Someday I might want to go somewhere.

For Sale

2009-06-03T12:11:00.000-07:00

Inground swimming pool. Water is a little cloudy. Filtration cartridge case is in several pieces. Polaris pump will probably not last the season. Not really sure how to transport, but it will probably take a really big hitch.

just kidding. I can't sell the pool. I can't swim in it either. Oh well, maybe I will start a contest among my friends to find other uses for the hole in my back yard. Ooo Ooo... I could give away left over chemicals as prizes. Ooooor... maybe some of the cool pool toys that I have been stocking up on in anticipation of our summer. whatever.

I know. We could fill it with dirt and use it for a giant planter. or I could buy big fish to put in there and just let the algae grow. It would make a cool pond.

except for the slide going into it.

Ah... summer time.

2009-05-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

After spending yet another entire day in the back yard with an utterly undesirable looking pool, I am beginning to think that my plan to open the pool ourselves was completely misguided. What was I thinking?? Oh, I know what I thought... I thought that I could save a buck or two. Silly, stupid girl. Now we are quickly approaching the first of June and I cannot be too sure how much longer its going to be before I will feel like putting my skin into that water.

Yesterday I learned that the pump for the Polaris will most likely not last the season... $300. Today I learned that the filter needs to be replaced. pronto... $300. Hey, even I can add that. That adds up to no new bathing suits this year. for anyone. We are experimenting with some filter cleaner stuff tonight to see if the filter will at least last until the one I found online can be shipped.

When we turned on the pump last week, I knew something wasn't quite right. By today every time I turned it on it blew the lid clean off of its case once it had built up enough pressure to pull the water thru the system. Kind of gives me a visual for blowing your top. I'm just saying.

The good news is that we can turn on the pump without the filter so that we can be getting the chemical balanced while we deal with it. The bad news is that no one told me that we should have been doing that before. Apparently it is bad for the filter to let all of those chemicals run thru it. You don't say.

In the mean time, between the one handed house wife and the one handed pool stoodge the house and yard are going to pot. There is a field of clover out in the back yard. If you come over to swim at some point, be sure to wear something on your feet or you WILL get stung. And if you come over too soon, I just might put you to work:)

yes... i'm still alive:)

2009-05-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

okay... so i'm still typing with one hand-ish, so don't judge:)

the surgery went fine. my hand is recovering. today i get to get it wet for the first time in three weeks. i'm thinking about washing it. i still can't soak it in the water, which means i can't do the dishes. rats. truth is that it is pretty much useless right now, so doing the dishes is kinda out of the question anyway. the nerve to the index finger was severed, which means i can't feel anything except pain and the tendon was cut in half, which means i have very little mobility or strength. yippee. the nerve to the thumb was damaged, but the doc says he doesn't know how I did that. just talented, i guess.

i am only telling you all of these boring details because apparently everyone wants to know. complete strangers in walwart want to know. i really don't get that, but i promise you that i have told this story at least 4 thousand times in the past three weeks. makes a girl think twice about going out in public... i'm thinking about getting a tee shirt made with the details printed on the back.

in the mean time, we have been trying to get the pool open for the summer which is somewhat of a challenge with only one hand. but, with a little help from my sister and her kids we got all the cover off and clean. hubby and son did a little vacuuming of the bottom... once the pool guy changes a few seals that are leaking, we should be good to go. we are running a little later this year, but the water is still to cold for me anyway so who cares.

i am also desperate to get my house clean before the friends start showing up to swim:) right now i have laundry sorted in my kitchen floor. my dogs love it. there is a yorkie on top of each of three loads. they keep taking turns on different piles, which makes is difficult to keep them neat, but whatever.

okay... off to balance the check book. yay.

How was YOUR day, honey?

2009-05-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

It started out as an ordinary day. Sink full of dirty dishes. Piles of laundry. Dogs needing to be fed. Just a day in the life... and then - wham. Dropped a large glass vase into my pretty porcelain sink and tried to catch it. I caught it alright. Right at the moment of impact. It basically exploded in my hands. Bad plan. Right hand came back shredded. I knew right away it was bad. Good news is that my son, who is moments away from getting his EMT licence, AND my car were actually home. Talk about the hand of God.

While Brian was barking instructions to his sister, I was trying to keep from passing out in my kitchen floor. Took those kids seconds to get my insurance card and my bleeding laceration into the car and off to the ER. Wow... that's a switch.

Fortunately, the closest hospital to us is kinda small and doesn't get alot of action. We didnt have to wait too long, which I suppose could have more to do with the greenish color of my face, but whatever. Four hours and sixteen stiches later and I was on my way. whew.

Now I have to have surgery to repair the nerves that I damaged and possibly a tendon. fun. They told me not worry, they won't even put me under for this procedure... just give me a little something to relax me and then a local. I think that I would be more relaxed if they put me under. I'm just saying.

All this to say... I'm gonna be gone for a little while. Typing with one hand is for the birds:)

Don't let the bed bugs bite

2009-04-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

I have a problem... I am a chronic insomniac. It is getting worse as I get older. I have tried all kinds of gimmicks and pills and can't seem to shake it. The last week or so I have been taking a combination of melatonin and Tylenol pm, but even that is not quite getting the job done. Of course, like anything the more stuff I take the more stuff it takes. Time to detox. I'm am waiting until after this weekend, because Bethany's 16th birthday is Saturday and we will be having all manner of friends and family over here. I am not very nice when I am tired. you're welcome.

In addition to being a hopeless insomniac, I am also a VERY light sleeper... when the happy moment actually does arrive. When Brian was little I could hear him if he left his room and wandered down the hall toward the living room, no matter how quiet he walked. Because he had to walk between the A/C unit and my bedroom door, the sound that the A/C unit was making would be disturbed momentarily and it would wake me up. OR... if he was smart enough to wait until the A/C shut off, the sound of the carpet piles squishing would wake me up. Poor kid didn't stand a chance.

Naturally, I married the LOUDEST snorer in the tri state area. Needless to say, I "sleep" on the couch alot. The problem with the couch is that it is in the living room. with the dish. Did you know that the DVR talks to the dish all night long? I have no idea what they have to talk about, but all I hear is rr.rr.rr.rr. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. That, and the clock. The one that chimes every hour and TICKS very loudly. So, I have developed this strategic process of pillows under my head and pillows over my head to block out this cacophony. Then there is the heating pad for my back and the pillow between my knees, but that's a whole nother subject.

So anyway, last night while the weather was so pretty the windows were open to let in the fresh spring air and the sounds of some incredibly loud bird who decided to TWEEET TWEEET TWEEET during the wee hours of the morning. I mean "wee"; as in it was still dark as midnight outside. Everyone knows that birds don't start singing till the sun comes up.

Stupid bird.

And so it goes

2009-04-15T13:44:00.001-07:00

First of all, let me say that today is one of those days when I ask myself WHY, oh WHY do I have three - count 'em, THREE - dogs. What the heck was I thinking. This week we have been passing around a serious stomach virus between the canines. I am SO tired of cleaning up the toxic waste that they have produced over the last couple of days. I have moved them out to the sun porch to recover from their nastiness... Smells like someone is decomposing out there, just a few hours later. But, it is too early to start bathing them because this one is far from over. Yay:) Add to that joy, Zoe is back in heat. There is a reason that the "b" word is not a compliment. Zoe is ALL that. and a bag of chips. Off to the sun porch for her, too.

Anyhow... Bethany and I have been feverishly preparing for the summer before the great move. We want to get a couple of classes knocked out before she is at the mercy of any real teachers. I am not sure just what, exactly, I have been doing for the last ten years but you know what I mean. We need to get a credit for geography - which kept getting put off because she HATES geography. Her idea of travelling is getting to go to Target. I am hoping she doesn't wander off, so I'm okay with that. But we need the credit. fine.

We are also back to Spanish. She needs a two foreign language credits - the same language. New school doesn't offer Latin. We took Latin this year. rats. I had bought the Rosetta Stone Latin American Spanish with high hopes of sending a bilingual high school graduate off to college. We kind of hit a snag. It's real hard to teach a language that you don't speak. So, months ago, we put this very expensive program away with hopes of getting some of our money back selling it to some other unsuspecting soul.

Then, we decided that we really would like to have this credit on the transcript when we transfer. We dug it out from under this year's debris, put on our happy pants, and approached it with what I hoped was a better attitude. Turns out that it isn't so bad after all.

I have said in the past that the key to home schooling for us is momentum. The other key is timing. I have found that if you go too slow in certain curriculum that it takes too long from test to test for the kids to have to snowball's chance of remembering all of the facts that you have carefully placed into their very active brains. It also backfires if you go too fast. Because this curriculum is different than anything that I have ever used, I have had to take a great deal of time developing a "plan" that fits her needs. Not too slow... not too fast. Seems like we have finally hit upon the right speed for us. She has finished the first 2 lessons of the first unit and we have an A+ average. Now the hard part. She has already passed whatever knowledge I have retained from two years of high school Spanish. yipee.

What I want to know is why the brilliant minds at Rosetta Stone put the directions to all of the worksheets and quizzes and tests in SPANISH. I mean... clearly, we don't speak that language. Thank goodness I have discovered Google - translation. Saved my bacon.

That's all folks.

What is the point?

2009-04-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

When I began this adventure of home schooling - many years ago - a very wise woman that I know gave me a tape by Cynthia Tobias called "Learning Styles", or something like that.

You remember tapes, right. Those plastic thingys with the endless reel of stuff that always slipped off of the track and ended up everywhere if you didn't put it back into the case... Which, of course always seemed to break on the ones you cared about the most. or borrowed.

Anyhow... she gave me this tape of information to help me on my quest to educate my children. Turns out that it did alot for my parenting, too, so it was certainly worth the time. One of the points that she was making was to be prepared for kids who learn differently from us. Everyone has there own "style". For instance, I am a floor person. I like sit in the living room floor and spread everything out on the floor so that I can see the bigger picture. I am getting older now, so I do that less and less but the truth is that that is when I do my best work. Weird, I know. As Cynthia pointed out, it doesn't really matter HOW a person gets where he needs to be. I just matters that he GETS there... at least when it comes to learning. It didn't take long to me to discover precisely what she meant.

My children, especially my daughter, do school work better if there is moderately loud music in the background. I TOTALLY don't get this. I find it distracting and frustrating and it makes me lose my mind. I used to keep a little classical music going in the background during class time, but nothing with words; and nothing too loud. That is in keeping with MY learning style, but not theirs. The prefer to JAM while doing homework. So, I have to keep my motherly need to control the environment in check and let them do what works for THEM. It isn't always easy. Mostly I just want to yell over the music to TURN THAT OFF.

But, as long as she is cranking out the grades and her work is done... that's really the point, right?

The end of an era

2009-04-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

yeah, yeah, yeah... I've been a little busy. I HAVE a life, you know. So today I took Bethany to a local private school to be "tested". The truth is that I was being tested, but whatever.

It's official. She is leaving the nest. pbbl. Bring on the Zoloft.

Actually, she is just going to school next fall for the first time in TEN - count 'em - TEN years. Okay, well technically she went to class one day a week this year but... this time its for real. Five days a week, and that's just for classes. That doesn't include extra curricular thingys.

So, I am searching her medical records for proof of her immunizations which I think is kinda funny since most of the people doing this are getting their kindergartner's ready for fall, not their high school Junior. I mean her shots were a while ago, people. I am NOT a magician. I'll be calling the health department tomorrow because, unbeknownst to me, her doctors are required to file that info with the health department... probably in case of stupid parents.

I also had to find her birth certificate and social security card. Wow... that took a minute or two. I also had to make sure that her transcripts were neatly recorded with all the curriculum info. Just in case. We have to make sure that she gets the rest of the credits she needs in time for graduation in two VERY SHORT years. And... it would be nice if she could get that cool "honors" diploma that comes with a full college ride to the college of momma's choice.

no pressure.

it's what you don't know...

2009-03-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

So. When the kids are very young, you learn an important life lesson. Part of being a mother is having the ability to know the future. Otherwise, how would you know what to tell your kids not to do? I mean, how would you know to teach them not to flush legos down the toilet, if you had never thought to yourself, "hmm... little johnny just might try to flush those legos down the toilet. I better teach him that that is wrong."

And so it goes. You spend year after year trying your best to anticipate all things dangerous, inappropriate, and just plain stupid. You say stuff like, "don't play with matches" and, "don't show your privates to the other kids in the nursery" and, "don't ride your skateboard down the staircase".

Sometimes you can just look in a kid's eye and know what they are thinking. Sometimes you get the chance to make a preemptive strike against poor judgement.

Then, there are the OTHER times. The times when you say to yourself, "why, oh why, didn't I tell him not to shave his arms." I mean, did it ever occur to YOU to tell your son not to shave himself because he lost a bet. Or tell him not to burn random stuff in your back yard. Or not to snort pixie stick dust, just to see what would happen... I'm just saying.

So now I have to admit that it never occurred to me to tell my 19 year old son not to practice with the throwing knives he bought while out of town with a friend on my only tree in the back yard.

Poor tree. I hope it survives my stupidity.

Doctor, doctor; give me the news...

2009-02-25T11:38:00.000-08:00

I finally made it to the doctor today. After the snow day with no snow, I took my sweet time rescheduling THAT appointment. No snow in the forecast today, so it was a go.

Trouble is, when I FINALLY get around to going to the doctor I have a whole list of stuff to discuss. One "appointment" really just isn't enough time for me to feel that I have been heard. First, I tend to be reflective and take a little coaxing to reveal the true nature to my situation. She really doesn't have time for this. My last doctor was really good at making me feel comfortable. He remembered stuff like where my husband works, what activities my kids are into, and that I home school. Course when we got around to talking about how I was feeling, I always felt a little rushed and since my health was really the point of the visit I kinda wished we spent more time talking about it. This doctor cuts right to the chase and I end up having to set aside my need to be comfortable before I tell her my deepest darkest medical secrets... the whole list of them.

Okay, so which is better??? having a list of six symptoms that may or may not be important? or going to the doctor every couple of weeks with one symptom at a time. I am not sure which one makes me look less crazy, but I know which one is gonna cost me twenty five bucks a pop.

I am still in the limbo land of the undiagnosable diseases so we made sure to take a bucket full of blood to send off somewhere so that someone could run tests and then tell me nothing. We also took urine. I'm clean... that's nice to know. you're welcome.

The bad news is that I can't have caffeine anymore. HUH? No more Dr. Pepper. No more Excedrin. Warning to my friends... MAINTAIN YOUR DISTANCE for the foreseeable future. The good news is that she refilled the good drugs:)

funny thing about having dogs...

2009-02-18T11:47:00.000-08:00

is that you NEVER get the couch to yourself again. Unfurling the fuzzy blanket is tantamount to waving a red cape in front of a raging bull. Heaven help you if you get out the heating pad...

is that if you should sit at the kitchen table for what is deemed to be an extraordinary amount of time there will be grumbling from the peanut gallery where the canines have been relegated to for the duration of the meal.

is that if you are feeling yucky, physically or emotionally, they are all about making you feel better, in whatever way they can, even if it means licking your face off:)

is that if you were to take a break out onto the deck to take in a little sunshine, you better look out because they will knock. you. down. to BEAT you out the door.

is that you will never again leave food just sitting around. Should you need to answer the phone while eating your taco bell, you will move that TV tray to the middle of the room where it is relatively safe from the scavengers that you live with.

is that, should you stand at the stove removing meat from, say, a chicken carcass and not "accidentally" drop a piece now and then... it will not go unnoticed. Zoe, in particular, is very vocal about this process. I guess she feels that it is her solemn duty to provide for her offspring during this moment of opportunity. She also gets pretty bossy if I dare to bathe them; which, of course, I would never do at the same time. I am pretty sure that she would explode.

And last but certainly not least:

is that you never get to go to the bathroom alone again. Just about the time I get comfy, three pairs of the biggest brown eyes you have ever seen encircle the potty because now they have my undivided attention. We have long talks here about how they should never poop behind momma's tree in the living room when no one is looking; and no, they should not raid the bathroom trash while the family is deeply involved with the most recent episode of American Idol. Zoe always wants to sit in my lap during these heartfelt conversations, which is most inconvenient. Truly takes this opportunity to tell me the SHE needs to relieve herself at. this. very. moment; and Schatzi, well she's following the big girls in case there is food.

Whew...

2009-02-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

I got on the treadmill at the church today and walked/fast walked for about 25 minutes. I think that silly treadmill said that I had burned about enough calories to have one of my valentine candies. That box SAYS that there is 1 pound of orange creams in there, but I beg to differ.

I am working like a crazy woman over here because I decided if I really go back to work someday, I prolly better have my house "in order". There are so many little projects that need done around here. I just amazes me how my husband can STAND his closet. Several month ago one of the shelves just fell over... probably from the stress of the disorder. Instead of removing the offending shelf and reorganizing or installing some updated closet stuff he just left it there. It's been driving me crazy. So, today after returning home from previously mentioned work out I decided to take everything out of that black hole of a closet in there and remove the shelf and the would-be brackets. I am about half finished and needed a break. I think that I am tired of this project, but seeing as how there is a pile of clothes and hats and other JUNK piled on my bed and seeing as how I just might want to sleep there tonight... I guess that I'm gonna have to finish it.

Just one of many such activities that a working mother/wife would not want to come home to.

The school year is on it's final approach. Oh no, we are nowhere near done:) but we are discussing next year's plan. Now that we are down to the last two years of high school we are making plans to get us in the best possible position for scholarship application which may involve some MAJOR changes. Last year, we began to talk and pray about shifting back to the public school arena. Seems like we are back to that and things seem to be heading that way. If we do that, I want to be careful not to waste a moment of the time we have left. For the first time the thought doesn't make we want to hurl, so I think that we are making progress:)

All the news that IS news...

2009-02-10T10:00:00.001-08:00

I am feeling a little creative this morning. That, and slightly overworked, underappreciated and just a little tired... totally not the point:) I am working on a project for a friend who has a birthday coming up, making curtains for my kitchen because I have yet to find any that make me happy (in spite of that window being uncovered for over a year), and prepping my "spare" bedroom for a new coat of paint. I am also trying to keep the laundry going and the dishes caught up. whatever.

Those silly curtains are turning into more of a headache than I would have imagined. And more expensive, too. I wanted shutters on that window, but didn't want to pay for them. Maybe I should have...

And that "spare" room. Yeah, well Brian is sleeping in it again. It's too cold in the shop, Mom. I told him that it was gonna get cold, but did he listen to me and put up some walls. nope. I'm such a sucker for a sad, suffering, whiny little kid. even if he is 6'2". I am even doing his laundry again ever since he broke his collar bone on that stupid ski trip. I am sensing a conspiracy here.

I have been feeling really yucky here lately so after a little research on the internet (doctors really like it when you do that:) I am fairly sure that I have landed SMACK in the middle of the perimenopause thingy. breast tenderness; check. trouble sleeping; check. periods from Hades that seem to be getting closer and closer together; check. bladder "issues"; check. mood swings... whatever do you mean??? Made an appointment to see the doctor. I am not sure what good that will do, but you do what you can.

This past weekend we had a tiny little window of springyness... sunshine and warm temperatures. Just enough to make you REALLY tired of winter. I expect it'll snow now. The weather here in the midsouth is always a little crazy. We moan and groan all winter because all the people up north are hogging all the pretty snow and we get nothing but rain; then, just as the bathing suits hit the shelves... WHAM! ice storm.

I saw the first bathing suits at Walmart yesterday. I think I better pick up some milk.

homeschool funny

2009-02-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

This morning Bethany was sitting in the living room reading Homer... The Odyssey.

Mom was on the couch with the portable DVD player and the headphones watching... Friends.

Hot off the press... I mean GRILL:)

2009-01-30T11:26:00.001-08:00

1. Do you and your spouse still celebrate Valentine's Day?

holiday's are stinky and NEVER meet my expectations. poor hubby has no chance. valentine's is the worst.

2. When's the last time you licked a stamp? why would you lick a perfectly good stamp??:)

3. How many clocks are in your home? that would require me to get up...

4. What holiday is closest to your birthday? usually Easter, but it moves around every year. Have actually had it ON my birthday a couple of times.

5. Do you cook anything the same way your mother made it when you were growing up?

crock pot roast, cream steaks, eggs... that's pretty much it. Oooo. and pie.

6. Do you pay bills online? you are supposed to PAY those???

7. Will you be gathering to watch the Super Bowl on Sunday? yup... but I have NO IDEA who is playing. I am going for the hot tub and the food. and the company, of course.

8. Have you treated yourself to something this week? do two fillings count?

Thank you Uncle Sam

2009-01-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

After several hours this morning chained to my desk and computer I have finished my taxes, among other things. After printing off my bank statement for January, I have decided that I have made entirely too many trips to sonic. rats. Time to kick start the real resolution... getting out of this hole. Working on the budget for February, I have further decided that we need to make some changes around here for the coming year. No dish network... no internet? hmmm. do we really NEED to have a phone?? How bout that life insurance?

Moving on... It's cold down here. That white stuff has actually hung around a couple of days. Not on the road, mind you. Just on the top step of the deck so that the dogs don't want to risk going out into the yard. I am having the worst trouble potty training the baby this time. I have never had this much trouble. The frustrating part is that I know that is due to my own lack of diligence. crap. literally.

And... I've been messing around on this facebook thingy and have discovered a very nasty side to it. What if you don't WANT to be friends with someone? What if they are (gasp:) related to you? What if my playful banter is nunya? As in nunya business. Not anything bad, mind you. I am really not so stupid as to write something and post it on the internet that would come back to bite me. I mean, not REALLY... But, I have this thing that I do. It is a balancing act... kinda like the guy at the circus with all the plates spinning on big sticks. I have my "family world", where I have my place. my persona. my don't-be-mad-at-me-and-I-won't-be-mad-at-you. Then there is my "friend world". That is where I get to be me. I don't have to worry about whether I am accepted or whether I am ticking off someone who has the incredible ability to know just where to stick it to me. There is exactly ONE person who gets to be in both, with the exception of the ones who live with me. She knows who she is. (hi, Diane:)

I get that this is not a perfect solution, and quite possibly the source of the aforementioned ulcer, however it is the way that it is. I really didn't choose it, it just evolved and I am powerless to change it. It is how I keep peace. It is how I stay sane. It is how I get to keep the people in both worlds. I am not prepared to pick sides at this late stage in the game. It doesn't mean the people in one world are more or less important to me than the ones in the other. It just is.

So no, my sweet baby brother. I love you. I am here for you. But you cannot be my "friend"...

If only I had known

2009-01-28T12:02:00.001-08:00

Brian is not healing like the ortho doctor thinks he should. He may have to have surgery. cha-ching. Needless to say, we are using that bone growth stimulator like crazy trying to make that darn bone grow.

It does this really cool thing. He has to tape the silly thing to his collar bone because the strap that it has on it is poorly designed to work on the collar bone... broken arm, fine. broken leg, fine... broken collar bone, not so much. Momma likes to use alot of tape, but Brian is pretty picky about the sticky. teehee. Oh looky Brian, I don't know how that tape ended up over your mouth:) Anyhow... once we have it properly placed he pushes the button on the timer thingy and he has sit in such a way as needed to have the probe make contact. It takes twenty minutes. If he moves wrong, it yells at him. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. He then quickly adjusts his behavior in such a way as to please the beeper. Wow. I really could have used one of those a few years ago.

"Brian, don't throw those clothes on the floor... BEEP."

"Brian, pick up those dishes off of the table... BEEP."

"Brian, don't talk to your sister that way... BEEP."

"Brian, do your homework... BEEP."

Thinking about selling this ultrasound machine when we are done with it. Any takers?

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!

2009-01-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

So we had a little rain. a little ice. a little smattering of snowy stuff. So what.

Today I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss my health issues and some new symptoms that I have begun to have. I HATE going to the doctor, so the fact that I had actually made the appointment meant it was to THAT point. apparently not. I arrived at the doctors office to find the parking lot surprisingly empty. hmmm. pulled up to the door to find a cheerful little sign announcing, "we're closed:)" You don't say. I could have sworn that I made an appointment. My calendar says that you made the appointment for me, so what's up with the sign? I came home just sure that this little mix-up was due to the fact that I had arrive a little early.. Maybe you close the office during the lunch hour so that your staff can all run home at the same time to have lunch with their families, hence the empty parking lot. I came home and called the office, just to check. Nope. Answering machine says you are closed due to "inclement weather". YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!

Now, I realize that we have closed the schools today in Tipton county because, God forbid, that a child should be hurt trying to get to school. But, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! My dad lives in Wisconsin and has gotten about 65 feet of snow this year, starting around the fourth of July. It's a wonder that anyone up there is still alive.

But, we are adults and I find it reprehensible that a DOCTOR's office is closed when my driveway has nothing but puddles on it and I don't even OWN a show shovel. My appointment was at 1:15 pm. It must be 45 degrees out there, people. Now I realize that I have been homeschooling for a number of years and that, as such, I may have access to information that maybe the general public has forgotten... but, I am pretty sure that the freezing temperature of water is 32 degrees. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

Add to that idiocy the fact that this doctor's office that was so concerned about my welfare that it didn't want me to risk my life to come in for a visit, neglected to call and let me know about this arrangement. Of course, it never occurred to me that if the parking lot at Walmart was packed that it would be too dangerous to drive to my own doctor's office so off I went. Stupid me.

Interestingly enough, my husband who is a service advisor for Mercedes Benz, dragged his little hiney out of bed and off to work an hour early this morning to give himself plenty of time to make the fifty mile drive downtown because he had appointments on the schedule today. Some rich woman in Memphis is getting an oil change today because my husband didn't use a little dusting of snow as an excuse to not go to work... but I have an ulcer that can wait.

Grrrr.

Grilling Goodnesses

2009-01-23T10:08:00.001-08:00

1. Have you ever ridden a horse? many years ago, when the horses were much closer to the ground.

2. Have you ever run out of gas? picture this... teenager. runs out of gas on two lane (busy) road. realizes something is terribly wrong yet inexperienced enough to not have a clue and with just enough warning to attempt turning around. station wagon ends up perpendicular to the road, across BOTH directions. little sister in the front seat. nuff said.

3. How many different schools did you attend growing up? 7

4. Do you have, and use, a library card? used to have and use. now I live in podunk town and have to pay $50 for the privilege. never mind.

5. Hand-wash or dishwasher? teenagers

6. Does your alarm clock beep or play music? beeps

7. Do you know how to roller skate? I know HOW. I also know HOW to make candy canes and pianos, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna.

8. What would you consider one of your biggest accomplishments? My kids... hands down.

life's questions

2009-01-23T10:05:00.000-08:00

How does the mouse "know" when I am zooming in on the icon that I need and then pick that very moment to poop out?

The Circle of love

2009-01-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

Monday night was our yearly visit to the local skating establishment. I guess it's not local, so much as it is a 45 minute drive from my house, but whatever. Anyway... for the past several years, First Baptist of Millington has made whatever arrangements are necessary for private access to this house of childhood glee and adult torture.

Everyone straps on the most hideous rental skates; me, while trying not to think of all of the feet that have been here before me. Of course there are always the "athletic" type who bring their own skates but I don't remember the last pair of skates I owned, thank you very much. I was probably twelve. The only reason that I put on these contraptions of death was because I distinctly remember the hum of the wheels under my feet. The feel of the wind in my hair. The exhilaration of turning a perfect corner... foot crossed over other foot. Shoot, I even remember what it feels like to spin all eight wheels in coordination until I was turning circles around my friends. I wasn't into sports as a kid. Was terrified of water skiing. Did most of the snow skiing on my face... but, I could skate. It was the perfect mix of terror and success for me. Not so much anymore:( I think that I went around the rink once.

Those wheels move much faster than they used to. And the ground is so much farther away. And the kids. Don't get me started on how FAST they fly by. My joints are so bad at this point in the game that seeing as how I have to tense EVERY muscle in my body just to stay upright that every little jerk feels like I'm in a car wreck. One time around. Off came the skates. I think that I will just watch from here on the side. where it's safe. and loud.

But, even from the side it was so cool to watch the kids with looks of pure joy on their faces. The little kids clinging to the side wall to try to catch the older ones. The middle size kids lending a hand to the smaller ones because in THIS rink they are brilliant. The teenagers laying aside their "coolness" for a moment to speed as fast as their bodies can with no one telling them to slow down. But the coolest thing for me was to watch the grown ups. For a short while, the DJ shooed the younger ones off of the rink to let the adults have free reign. For just a moment, they were kids again. The real kids lined up on the outside of the wall to watch their parents fly around the hard wood circle. What they saw was the years peal off of these givers of life. These protectors and disciplinarians and lovers of their offspring. They peeked in and saw their parents PLAY. As they played they began to pair off as if love itself drew them to each other. It was like a window into their past when they flirted and teased and held hands.

There, in the darkness of the side lines, with the music so loud that I couldn't hear myself think and the swirling black lights and the twirling disco ball I saw the circle of love. Moms and dads laughing with their children and with each other. The joy of spending time.

Thanks for the glimpse.

hot off the grill...

2009-01-16T14:12:00.001-08:00

1. Do you like scary movies? not so much; definitely not if they are demonic in nature... really not into messing with that.

2. What kind of cell phone do you have? blackberry pearl that I just HAD to have, in spite of the "extra" cell package that I supposedly had to purchase with it... so not worth it, but now I have a contract so what's a girl to do?

3. Do you have a passport? a what port?

4. Has anything sad happened in your life this week? yup.

5. Have you ever broken any bones? no, but I am looking forward to stimulating my bone growth if ever I do.

6. Did you do anything this week that you don't normally do? I drove my kid to college because he was too drugged to drive himself.

7. What's the worst thing you ever had in your wardrobe? lime green gauchos with a matching vest. gotta love those thrift stores. I'm just saying.

8. Did you have braces on your teeth? nope. left 'em crooked.

Easy come. Easy go.

2009-01-13T15:15:00.000-08:00

As I was figuring my taxes this morning, I was delighted to find that we had been giving Uncle Sam money hand over fist this year. As my sister will attest to, I generally abhor this behavior. As a bookkeeper, I feel it my patriotic duty to keep my "return" down to a minimum. This is not a savings plan, people. If you truly feel the need to have $50 too much taken out of your paycheck per week, then put it in an interest bearing savings account so that it is at least accessible during the year in case your roof comes off or something. But since 2007, when I had to PAY a considerable amount due to a miscalculation of my own personal highway robbery, I have been overly generous. That year happened to coincide with my "audit". yeah me. I had somehow missed a 1099 about five years before and we all know what the IRS does about penalties and interest and such. Needless to say, making payments to the IRS is not very high on my list of fun stuff to do before I die. Now, as I have stated, I have recently discovered that I need to file an amended return for last year. Hopefully I will have enough "returned" to me this year to correct that little blunder. Boy howdy, do I sound stupid. I have been filing our taxes for 24 years and have never had a problem until recently. Turns out that a foreclosure kinda complicates things. who knew?

Anyhow... just when I was feeling a little cocky about this year's return and planning a new fence and some landscaping doo dads. WHAM. Call from Smith and Nephew. Turns out that Blue Cross of TN has approved the doctor's prescription for the bone growth stimulator machine thingy. great. Turns out that by approve they mean, "sure you can have it, but you will be paying to first several thousand dollars in deductibles blah blah blah". Sure, I'll just write you a check. whatever.

Drove an hour away to the doctor's office to meet the lady from Smith and Nephew and take possession of this little miracle machine. Received directions for application, news about deductible, promises of magical growth progress. I really think that she should have at least taken me to dinner first, dontcha think?

Funny thing is that in all of this tax calculationing I have been reminded that we are paying nearly $10,000 per year for this "health insurance". Yeah, I said it... $9,613.24 last year to be exact. And the deductible and copays and uninsurables keep increasing... along with the price. There has got to be a better way.

In the mean time, I have purchased a bone growth stimulator that I will likely NEVER have use for again. At least, I HOPE not. And if I do, I am sure by then that this little box of ultrasound magic will be obsolete and I will be forced to buy something even more cool and expensive and ultimately useless.

Grilling goodnesses

2009-01-09T16:35:00.001-08:00

1. What's your 'dream machine' - as in vehicle? Do you think you'll ever own it? right now I'm dreaming of an M class... as in Mercedes. Hubby works there so we would get a discount if ever I had the money. If this new job lead works out it's a distinct possibility within the next two years. Keep praying people.

2. Can you water ski? Yup. Learned behind my dad's boat as a kid. Was TERRIFIED every. single. time. After rupturing my eardrum last time we went tubing behind said boat I have NO desire to repeat that activity. Have I mentioned that I'm not so athletic???

3. What kind of milk to you prefer? We use 2% for drinking and cereal and stuff, but I have been keeping a little stash of whole on hand for cooking. Makes a big difference.

4. Have any of your pet peeves 'gotten your goat' this week? Like people bad mouthing me behind my back? possibly.

5. How do you prepare your taxes? HR Block, Turbo Tax, by hand - or does someone else do it for you? Past few years I have used Turbo Tax. I have a degree in bookkeeping and have found this to be quite sufficient, even when things got a little complicated. This year I need to branch out because I need to file an amended return on last year. Found a form I didn't know I had until too late. It's been in a box under my bed and I need to correct it before uncle sam finds out. yikes! In any case, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do that with Turbo Tax so I think I need to look for a little help this year.

6. Did you start a workout program this New Year? I have been walking... back and forth to the bag of stocking candy. Marshmallow santas are almost gone:)

7. Do you have a certain meal that you cook each and every week? that would probably be tacos or some variation of such. My family pretty much revolts if there is not some form of mexican around here every week.

8. When do you normally write your blog posts? whenever I want... did I mention that I no longer have a job?

Getting to the point...

2009-01-07T07:39:00.000-08:00

is not generally my strong suit. I usually like to string along my story, sharing all the gory details, but at the risk of boring my considerable readership to death; here goes.

Last summer I spent several months in panic mode with bill collectors and gas prices etc. looking feverishly for actual employment (not to be confused with the little "pin money" I was making babysitting at home). After considerable stress, I was reminded that providing for my family was not my responsibility and therefore I was put on notice about my worrying. Turned down a couple of offers after that, including a request to return to my previously loved job. Fast forward a couple of months and low-and-behold the perfect job that I had hunted for all summer was basically handed to me on a silver platter. Was pretty sure that God was now letting me enjoy a new opportunity without the pressure of the responsibility for provision.

Much praying... weeks of hoping... waiting on right timing... excitement... planning... counting chickens... until SLAM. door shut.

Add to that, my job hunting last summer led to "my" kids being put on a waiting list for preschool (unbeknownst to me). So, opening for them for next Monday was taken. Now I am no longer babysitting AND I have no job.

Can you be BEHIND square one?

Grilling goodness

2009-01-03T07:34:00.001-08:00

1. If you could have done something different in 2008, what would it be?

I would not have let my son go to Colorado on the college ski trip.

2. What is something that you know will happen in 2009?

I know that the bill collectors will STILL be calling.

3. What is something that you hope will happen in 2009?

I hope that my new job will start. God told me to wait, and I am attempting to do that patiently; however, I am beginning to see the light at the end. woohoo!

4. Do you already have a vacation planned for this year?

hoping to make a little trip to Bay Springs for some camping before we open the pool.

5. Are you relieved that the holidays are over?

immensely, although my kitchen looks naked now.

6. Did you make a resolution? Will you share it?

REALLY want to lose some weight. whatever.

7. How old will you turn in 2009? 42.

8. What did you do to celebrate the New Year? watched the fireworks from the hot tub at my sister's new house.

Post ski trip

2009-01-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, so maybe I need to get to the grocery store. Lunch today consisted of taco chips liberally sprinkled with cheddar... 30 seconds in the micro; chocolate covered marshmallow Santa with a Dr. Pepper chaser. Let the migraine commence.

I spent the better part of the morning on hold with the orthopedic surgeon's office trying to convince them that we should go ahead and get Brian in today instead of waiting til Monday. I mean I would have been convincing them if ever they had answered the danged phone. (spell check took "danged"... too funny:)

We are down to the last vicodin. I have scoured the medicine cabinet for stray narcotics to get us thru the weekend, since the doctor's office is apparently closed. Found a handful of mepergans left over from when he got his wisdom teeth out 3 years ago and an ocicodone left over from when his dad ruptured the disc in his back in 1998. Talked to my sister in law who is sending over the time released morphine... bless her heart.

In the meantime we are trying to keep the kid as comfortable as possible and seeing as how his collar bone is broken in two places and has yet to be "set", that is somewhat of a challenge. How bout them purple polka dots... borrowed the sheet from his sister. And, of course, Truly is at his feet to offer her support.

Stay safe y'all, and don't let your kids OUT OF YOUR SITE. Just kidding. sorta:)

I'll take the gas...

2008-12-19T06:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I made a trip over to my local dentistry establishment to have a little cleaning. First I had to explain why it had been so long since they had seen me... "no, Dr. Soandso, I was not abducted by aliens who, incidentally, did some cleaning"; "no, I haven't been in a coma"; "no, I haven't been in prison". Nope, just been MIA. You know sometimes life just happens and you look up one day and discover that it's been 3 years since you have been to the dentist. No wonder my gums are bleeding so much. whatever.

In any case, I dropped my son off to work (he loves it when his mommy takes him to work) and headed on over with the other child. It had been so long that I had to refill out all of the paperwork for my file. In all fairness, I have moved twice in the last two years so they really needed new info; but, why oh why can they not streamline some of the questions. I mean, for pity's sake, I had to write my husbands name and other info four times and he wasn't even there.

After filling out mountains of paperwork for both of us, we were called back. Little stop at the potty and we are off to get clean teeth. After talking with J, the lady who always does the cleaning part, she suggested that a little nitrous oxide would make things easier... you know, because of my TMJ. That way she could use the scary hydrotherapy thingy that I never let her use and it would be quicker and she wouldn't have to apply too much pressure to my jaw and I wouldn't have to have my jaw open so long and it would be more relaxed, blah, blah blah. She had me at "do you want gas", if you know what I mean... DUH!

So I am lying there, breathing deeply of the only only high I'm every gonna get and it occurs to me that I am very thankful that I made that little stop at the potty. It also occurs to me that if I were to open up a kiosk in the mall selling this stuff I'd make a fortune. I could set up little booths where you could take a 30 minute "nap". Wow! What a great idea. I also decided that J had a really pretty earring on, but I was a little distracted.

At some point, the lady who was cleaning Bethany's teeth wanted to come in and "discuss" how Bethany's visit had gone. Stole the buzz. rats. After she left, I checked with J to make sure that I hadn't given Bethany away or anything. She said nope, she was still coming home with me so its all good.

Cain would be so proud...

2008-12-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

This morning I was the unwitting participant in the age-old battle of sibling rivalry.

Being that my children are nearly four years apart we have had many years of the typical pickmepickme battles for attention. Brian, as the first born, usually comes out with the upper hand but lately Bethany has made some notable strides. Take the front seat, for instance. Unlike the children of today who must remain in a car seat until their 21st birthday, my children began fighting for the front seat since the younger one turned about ten. That was about the time that I instituted the "happy day" rule. Brian's birthday is on the 24th of August (even days) and Bethany's birthday is on the 25th of April (odd days); so I decided that all happy things should occur with the odd/even split. If you have more than two children then you are toast. Sorry about that...

All happy things included, but were not limited to "shotgun", tv remote control, first pick, first turn, and basically any other thing that lent itself to bickering. This was a glorious rule that kept peace for many years. Most things could be settled in this matter.

Couldn't decide on a movie... "whose happy day is it?"
Couldn't pick a restaurant... "whose happy day is it?"
Couldn't clean the playroom in peace... "whose happy day is it?"
Ah, I yearn for the days when it was that easy.

When Brian began driving, the quest for "shotgun" became a complicated issue. He made up all kind of rules about it like, you have to 'call' it; then you have be within sight of the car to 'call' it; then you have to be touching the car to 'call' it. Of course, all of these rules were designed to outwit the younger sister but as long as she wasn't screaming about it, I just let them work it out for themselves. After all, that's what we all REALLY want as parents, right. We don't really care about justice... we just want a little PEACE AND QUIET.

This morning Bethany politely asked if she could drive when I made a little trip into town to drop Brian off to work and her to a friend's. It was an innocent enough request. Little did I know that Brian had already "called" shotgun using all of the aforementioned criteria so when I said yes to her request it effectively nullified his call for shotgun.

WOW, nicely played.

Grilling goodness

2008-12-12T06:12:00.001-08:00

1. How many Christmas parties have you attended or will you attend? last weekend was the Sunday school shindig and the home school progressive dinner. this week was the company party at the orpheum... the "pajama game", thank you very much. still have family gatherings and the choir fellowship after the Christmas program to go.

2. What is your favorite dish to take to a party? that would be my much anticipated cheese ball, and no, Jenny, I will not post the recipe. every year I fight off the would-be copycats who want to boag my recipe, which technically I got from a friend, but having given this one out before and then had it served at every function in my place forevermore makes me a little punchy. note to self: it is in poor taste to make a person's signature cheese ball from heaven WHEN THEY ARE MAKING IT. I would never make this yumminess and take it to the house of the friend from which I procured this delight. I'm just saying...

3. When you're at home and your feet are chilled, do you wear socks or houseshoes? usually socks, although I have been know to supplement with a heating pad and the other night I came out of my room with a really furry hat that I intended to put my VERY cold feet into, but my daughter put the nix on that... it was her hat.

4. What are your plans for this weekend? raking leaves that my son was supposed finish by tonight... if you are reading this, Brian, I will be expecting back the $75 advance that I paid you for this job. If miraculously my son does make the leaves go away, I expect that I will be attending the birthday party of my great niece who turns one today.

5. What is the most expensive Christmas gift you are buying for your children this year? one semester of emt tuition for Brian and one semester of violin and piano lessons for Bethany.

6. Do you have a family portrait made each year? I wish I had done that. A friend mentioned that she buys a "Christmas" frame every year and puts her kids visit-with-Santa picture in it. I have never bought one of those frames because I just figured that it would look stupid having a Christmas ornamenty frame around the house in, like, July for instance. It never occurred to me to pack it up with the ornaments and use it for decoration. Rats. How cool would it be if I had a whole collection of Christmas pictures to put out by now. So... I started this year. Maybe I can have cool grandma pictures one day.

7. Do you drive your kids around looking for decorated homes? mostly we just look at the ones that we are already driving by, although we usually try to make sure that we make a trip down Rosemark Rd and the horse farm every year.

8. What is your least favorite thing about cold weather? I hate that the cold hurts my joints so much; I really love winter and want so much to enjoy it.

So much to tell... so little time.

2008-12-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

I have been so busy around here with the holidays that I haven't had time to blog so much. Sorry about that. I figured that I better check in on my bloggy friends this morning and I don't dare leave comments without having some stuff for them to check out on mine, so here goes.

Had I had the time I might have told you about the fella that was making change out of the offering basket that I was passing in the choir. That was a first, I have to say. If ever you have the urge to "break" a twenty in the offering plate... don't. It doesn't look nice. I am assuming since he was not struck by lightning, that he didn't take more than he left. I'm just saying...

Or I could tell you about my husband coming home from the mall with one very shiny index finger. He was off by himself, ostensibly to do a little Christmas shopping, when he was attacked by a little woman with a heavy foreign accent at a kiosk in the mall offering to show him the wonders of some stuff from the dead sea that she was certain that his wife would LOVE to find under the tree. He didn't know how to escape this little woman and presto chango - she had put some magic stuff on his index fingernail that left it decidedly shiny. I guess I should point out here that hubby is not the get-a-manicure kinda guy. More of a macho-dude, this man of mine. To say that he was not happy is somewhat of an understatement. By the way, I am pretty sure that he didn't buy the magic dead sea manicure stuff... it wasn't on the list I gave him and he has strict instruction NOT to use his own ideas.

Speaking of finernails, I should also mention here that apparently the toenail of your pinky toe is vital to a sound mind. I lost mine in a battle with an inappropriately placed box in the kitchen. It hurts like crazy.

And did you know that the phrase "freaking me out" was actually used in 1963. I was watching the Charlie Brown Christmas special with Bethany and CB's little sister Sally actually said, "blah blah blah is FREAKING ME OUT". who knew.

I also discovered this past week that my own daughter has never seen The Wizard of Oz. How can that be? Every kid has to have the b-jeepers scared out of them by this movie at least once in their lives. I remember hiding in the kitchen from the monkeys EVERY YEAR. Of course we didn't have cable back in the day so there weren't alot of options, but whatever.

Okay... that's it for now. Time to balance the checkbook and assess the damage that my weekend Christmas shopping has done to the budget. good grief.

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas... I mean the "holidays"

2008-12-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

So I was doing a little decorating and listening to Tony Bennett, my official entrance into the Christmas season, and the thought occurred to me... raindrop on roses and whiskers on kittens; bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens; brown paper packages tied up with strings. Are these really indicative of my favorite things? I think not. Who makes this stuff up, anyway. I think that they were just looking for stuff that rhymes. I mean really; they could have been just looking around the room, making it up as they went. They were probably sitting in a group around the kitchen table after having one too many and writing the quintessential song of The Sound of Music. Of course if Julie Andrews sings it, it must be true. She plays a nun, after all.

December is in full force. I have already hosted a progressive dinner (dessert part) and attended a Sunday school party. We still have potentially four more family gatherings to participate in and several doctors appointments to hit before the end of the year. Is anyone else tired just from the planning? Fortunately, I only have the boys two days this week and next and then I am "off" for the next two weeks. yippee.

just what the doctor ordered

2008-11-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took a little trip over to the next town to pick up my four year old niece/goddaughter to spend a little pre-holiday time with her. Bethany spent the night with BFF so Madison had to sleep in her room alone. Not a happy thing. Pretty sure she sleeps with her momma every night because we kind of have this thing every time she's over. In the midst of the negotiations about a good night's sleep I offered to let Zoe sleep with her... Her answer, "I need a HU MAN." She didn't follow it with... stu pid, but I am pretty sure I heard it:)

She cracks me up. That's what I needed this week. A little perspective.

Daniel Bennett Craddock 11/29/99

2008-11-23T16:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a yucky day. For those of you who saw me in choir, I apologize:) That silly song director of ours picked out a whole bunch of thankfulness songs this week. Must have been a theme or something. After blubbering thru the first song service and Sunday school (which, by the way was about family conflict... whose idea was THAT??? huh?) I thought for sure that I had it together for the second service. Too bad it was the same songs. darn.

Apparently yesterday was my official day for the breakdown. Happens every year about this time. And usually its caused by some stupid music. For the record, Daniel's birthday is Saturday. He is nine years old this year. In heaven. I hope God remembers to give him a party. Maybe a soccer theme. or maybe he likes basketball. or music, like his brother and sister. One of the many things that I didn't get a chance to find out.

After making an idiot of myself in church, I came home took my obligatory Sunday afternoon nap, followed by the equally obligatory Sunday afternoon migraine (happens every time I take a nap... why, oh why do I do that?) While David and Bethany went to church Sunday night I climbed up into the attic to pull out Daniel's box. All of my kids have one, but his is pitifully small. Hospital bands, pictures, cards, scrubs with footprints. You know the kind. Only these scrubs have no footprints. There wasn't time for that in his delivery room. Out came the video. The only proof I have that I held him in my arms. David won't watch it, but the kids and I do every year around his birthday. Brian was 10 and Bethany was 6 when he was born. My biggest regret was sheltering them from his death. They never saw their brother in person or held his hand. I sure wish I could take that back. I meant well at the time, although when I see my precious baby girl in the video just before his birth... her kindergarten graduation, her birthday... when I see her in context of her age all those years ago, I understand why I made that decision at that time.

Anyway, after all of the tears and mementos are put back in the box, after the video and the pain has been revisited, after the journal has been read and the shock that this really happened to ME and not someone else wears off I always come back to the same place... thank you God. He is good, all the time. Sounds cold, I am sure to those who have not walked in my shoes but I am so thankful that God took him that day. I am thankful that he did not suffer. When I see families suffering with the severely handicapped child, I am thankful that God was merciful. I am thankful that God did not allow me to take him home, for months even, and then take him with no warning. To those who have suffered THESE things, God somehow gives them special grace and I am sure that they are thankful for what THEY consider unthinkable... if they choose to be.

I am also thankful for the people that allowed themselves to be used by God to minister. Interestingly enough, those closest to me were not necessarily the ones who came thru in my time of need. My sister was recovering from her delivery of her own son. With a 16 month old on the side, she had precious little time to spend at my bedside... not to mention her desire to not add to my pain with her own newborn. Caleb is my measuring stick to this day. Sometimes when I look at him, I mourn for HIS loss. He doesn't even know that his very best friend in the world is in heaven waiting to play Lego's and show him his bionicle creations. He doesn't realize that part of him is missing, much as I would be without his mother. In any case, she was busy and my mother in law was caring for my other two rugrats, so she was a no show. Pretty much everyone else, with a couple of notable exceptions was MIA during this time of need. How does that happen? I guess we just get busy with our lives and think that someone else will meet that persons needs. Note to self: show up for those you love; don't expect someone else to do it.

Nevertheless, God used people I barely knew to meet these needs which meant so much to me mostly because I have a very hard time relating to people outside of my comfort zone. Belinda visited me several times and brought me flowers. Tina worked in the building next door and would regularly come by after work just to sit down, put up her feet and chat. I was so lonely and isolated in that hospital for those months and her visits gave me a feeling of normalcy. Katie came and decorated my room as the holidays approached and I was blue for missing it. Kris sent cards that were a life line. And the person that stands out the most to me is Donna. She was a lady that I went to church with at the time and scarcely knew, but she happened to be visiting the morning that I delivered. The hospital used a disposable camera that morning to take the pictures that would be my only connection to him in the years to come. Donna took the time to take the camera to Walgreens for me and have them one-hour developed so that I could have them as soon as possible. She will probably never know how much that meant to me. Every year at this time I find myself praying for these women, wherever they are. God bless them today. Send someone to meet THEIR needs whatever they may be.

Sorry this post is long and rambling. Feeling a little wrung out from this weekend...

Grilling Goodness... late hubby roast

2008-11-21T10:48:00.001-08:00

1. Sitting in front of the TV, what’s on the screen? not sure because hubby is asleep, but it probably has a "star" in it. star wars, star trek, star gate, you get the idea.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? changes every time

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like? can't think of one thing.

4. What is his favorite type of sandwich? barbeque "smush meat"... don't ask.

5. What would this person eat everyday if he could? chinese... food, not people.

6. What is his favorite cereal? some healthy concoction that I found one time about 10 years ago and have never found again and have heard about every time he has been with me to the grocery store ever since.

7. What would he never wear? sandals. when Brian was a baby I had to get his mom to buy them for our son, just so he would have to let me let Brian wear them:)

8. What is his favorite sports team? not into sports, thank goodness.

Bah Humbug... part 2

2008-11-21T08:38:00.001-08:00

ps. Casting Crowns Christmas CD is aMAZing... run out and buy a copy, because borrowing mine to burn it on your computer would be WRONG.

Bah Humbug.

2008-11-20T15:18:00.000-08:00

Okay. So I have given in completely to the whole Christmas music moratorium that I put on myself every year at this time. I admit it... I am hopelessly addicted to Christmas music. can't wait til after Thanksgiving, no matter how hard I try. I am resisting the urge to drag out the tree, but the fact that we are having Thanksgiving at home has been my staying power. I don't really want to carve Tom Turkey in the shadow of a perfectly decorated tree.

I guess I was warped as a child (weren't we all?) because we were not allowed to set up the Christmas tree until the 10th of December, every year. Not because we had a real tree that needed to last til the 25th, mind you. No... we had the same sad little charlie brownish artificial number EVERY stinkin year. My mother probably grew up in the era of Christmas Eve decorating and thought that she was being very generous but I was chomping at the bit every Christmas.

When David and I got married we tried the whole "real" tree thing. Never had it as a kid, so naturally it seemed more desirable. One year we pulled a National Lampoon episode. Wish someone would have been nearby taking subversive video. I could have made a fortune.

We picked out the most gorgeous tree at the tree farm. Of course your perspective of tree size is somewhat off in a huge field full of lush greenery so the tree was considerably larger than the living room of our apartment. The tree was transported in its branch confining contraption which when clipped unfurled the most amazing display of plumage. Lamps went flying, cat scrambled upstairs. I swear a squirrel shot out of the bottom and I was picking evergreen out of the piano keys six months later. Okay, maybe I exaggerate... but not by much. David ended up cutting several feet of of the bottom of it to allow it to stand without having to bow down. I am not kidding about that.

A couple of years later, when the trauma had worn off we tried again. This time the spider crop came in just after the sap had finished dripping all over the presents and ornaments so that we had trapped baby spiders in the amber adorning the gifts to present to our loved ones. EWWW!

Maybe if you lived in a place that has real snow you can have a real tree, but it's not really practical in the south. So we opted for the artificial kind, without the Charlie Brown attitude. The good news is that you can put it up as early as you want. THAT'S what I am talk.ing. about:) But, I really should wait another week or so. fine.

Mom just realized that sis is going to be gone for Thanksgiving this year. Of course she has been bragging about it for months, but whatever. Since Mom ate with her last year, she just assumed that that was where she would be this year. Then I reminded her that Diane would be kicking up her heals with the Rockettes this year; you know Mom, Macy's day parade and all that... awkward silence... cue crickets... humdedum... how bout those Bears?? Yea, I could have just jumped in with an invitation but I figured that I was already toast for not providing a preemptive invite, so I might as well not. Oh poop. Sometimes the holidays really suck. Sorry guys, I mean they "inhale sharply" as hubby says.

somebody shoot me.

Pop goes the weasel, and assorted insects

2008-11-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

Did you know that, hypothetically speaking, if your three yorkie babies were infested with fleas and you were to chase said hypothetical fleas around said furry bellies until you land one on your thumb nail and then quickly roll your other thumb nail over their fat, nasty little brown creepiness they actually pop. It's the only way that I can be sure that they are dead without actually touching them. I least I can't feel myself touching them. In any case, its GROSS. Why, oh why, am I fighting a flea epidemic in NOVEMBER. I mean really... Thanksgiving is next week, for pete's sake. (Not sure who Pete is, or why we should consider his sake but, whatever) The dog next door is a pitiful example of pet ownership. He is a sad, sorry, scruffy big dog who apparently is inviting the resident flea population to come to his place and my cutie pies keep getting too close and picking up these disease ridden parasites. Last weekend I spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 on all kinds of sprays and shampoos and drops and gadgets to make them go away.

Yikes... I could have gone to Red Lobster. In the mean time, I'm praying for cold enough nights to kill off the little buggers.

Grilling more Goodness

2008-11-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

1. What's the worst thing you've ever sent through the washing machine/dryer?

Thought about putting a yorkie in there on delicate... just kidding (a little). No really, probably the worst would be a cell phone. Course I didn't do that; it was the brilliant college student who knows it all.

2. Do you do any of your Christmas shopping online? no can do... kids can read.

3. What are you looking forward to this Thanksgiving? giblet gravy, time with kids, giblet gravy, pie, giblet gravy, getting out the Christmas decorations, giblet gravy, legally being allowed to listen to Christmas music. oh... and mashed potatoes with giblet gravy.

4. What did you do before you had children that you miss doing now that you have children? getting Christmas presents

5. Do you have a fireplace? (Do you use it?) Two; use the fake one, don't use the gas one. too hot and costs too much to run.

6. Do medical shows showing surgeries and blood freak you out? Does House count, cause THAT one doesn't freak me out.

7. How long have you lived where you live? about 11 months.

8. What is one of your favorite seasonal items? yes.

Taco night

2008-11-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was go-to-Sams-and-spend-your-life's-savings Day. New tires for the car... last oil change the people at Walmart made me sign off that my tires were a health hazard. oops. $400 yikes. and that was before the groceries and the kid retreat sent me to making a withdrawal from the 401K. Just kidding. I am excited because that account has finally broke $10K. woohoo! retirement in 40 or 50 years:) But only if the blessed winds of change don't bleed me dry.

Good news is that we should be able to live off of this pantry shelf until after the new year begins. Of course I won't be going out to eat again until then, but whatever. Thanksgiving is pretty much ready to go... except the Turkey and other perishables. But we have chicken broth out the wazoo:) bring on the holidays. I am SO itching to get out the Christmas decor, but I WILL wait.

Close family member is getting to go to NYC for Thanksgiving. She will be standing out in front of FAO Swartz watching the Macy's day parade and I will be sitting at my table disappointing the woman who gave life to me. stink. I was thinking that if I fast for these last couple of days before she leaves that I could squeeze into her suitcase. She would be SO surprised. Gonna have to shop for a pair of depends... it's a long drive.

Speaking of fasting... those tacos smell yummy; think I'll go see what Little Debbie made for dessert.

Where can I get one of these??

2008-11-12T12:55:00.000-08:00

Kid retreat = mom needs a vacation

2008-11-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

Much complaining about my lack of communication; long, stupid story. I actually tried to blog about it last week, but I was boring MYSELF to tears. moving on...

This past weekend I had about 20 tenth grade girls and their chaperons over for the weekend. Kids had big youth activity at the church house and we opened our home to be the sleep over station. Whew! talk about tired. While discussing sleeping arrangements and snack options, Bethany issued the supreme challenge. She said something to the tune of, "you'll never beat Ms. Kathy... she had pizza rolls and egg rolls and blah blah blah." Have no idea what else the Kathy person was serving that impressed these kids so much because at that point my mind was glazed over with the "you'll never beat Ms. Kathy". She says that she did it on purpose. whatever.

Now I don't generally consider myself overly competitive. Okay, maybe a little; but you just can't say a thing like that and not expect a reaction. End result was WAY too much money, but hey, I kicked some serious booty (and I HATE that word). Kids came home on Friday night at about 10:30 to the most amazing platter of layer after layer of nachos and rotel. And we all know that rotel is a slam dunk. Fridge was packed with cokes (southern term for all things carbonated), bottled water, and juice. Next afternoon was snow cones and smoothies for afternoon refreshment. In all fairness, flavored syrup and shaved ice is really no big deal, but when you put them together in a little cup... ambrosia. That night it was meat and cheese trays, plus a plethora of chex mix, goldfish, cookies, etc. Take THAT, Ms. Kathy:)

Add to that a perfectly clean house with candles burning and the whole bit... mom was EXHAUSTED. But, they all say that I rock, which is a good thing... I think.

grilling more goodness

2008-11-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

1. What is one of your 'must see' tv shows?

Okay, lest I look like my brain has turned to mush because of that blessed DVR I will just mention my favorite ONE show. Definately Gilmore Girls. It's not on any more, but I own EVERY season. Been watching them again lately, hence the quotes which only die hard Gilmore fans will catch. Guess the whole mother/daughter angst between Lorelai and Emily and the depth of the relationship between Lorelai and Rory makes me feel like less of a freak. And the quick wit CRACKS ME UP:)

2. Do you have a facebook page? Yup... mostly in an effort to be a good mom and keep tabs on my kids. Definately don't want to be the mom who didn't see THAT coming.

3. How old were you when you got married? 19... nuf said.

4. What is one bad habit that you need to break? I really wish that I could lay off of the Dr. Pepper.

5. What is your favorite cold-weather activity? the hot tub at Diane's house.

6. At church, do you always sit in the same area? choir loft... alto side. every time I sit with the sopranos I get caught.

7. What do you like best about blogging? expressing myself without someone sassing me.

8. What's the last funny thing you remember hearing from a child? "how much does it pay?"

Oh how the years do fly...

2008-10-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

Brian - sometime around 1990ish

another tuesday come and gone

2008-10-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

two dirty diapers... check
snotty noses; sure to mean a sick weekend for me... check
homework finished... check
kids all home to their mommas... whew!

I am SO tired and its only Tuesday. Good news is that tomorrow is MY day of rest. No kids and Bethany gone to class. Look like its shaping up to be a great day to stroll thru Target. woohoo!

Surprisingly enough, it is 4:50 in the afternoon and I have no idea what's for supper. So much for my reputation as the queen of planning. Sometimes I just want to say that just because I have breasts doesn't ACTUALLY mean that I should know what to eat every night. But then I remember that someone else is bringing home the bacon; the least I can do is fry it up in the pan. And since I am CERTAIN that having breasts means that I don't have to take the trash to the curb... whatever.

Looks like a spaghetti night. yuck.

totally off the subject...

2008-10-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

Didn't want to add onto the last post as it was getting too long...

Dogs have been CRAZY today. We found some new chewie things at walmart that are pig skin rolls. ewww. I know. They have each been on a mission to take more than their share, hiding a spare one that they have filched from someone who was momentarily (or purposefully) distracted. It's HYSTERICAL. They are toting them around like they each have a cigar. Not very ladylike, if you ask me. There has been a little hum-de-dum and a little snarl here and there. Funny thing is that I can't keep the name straight. They are oinkies... I keep wanting to call them quickies.

NOT the same thing.

Moving Days

2008-10-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a busy couple of weeks. I have been "moving". No; not to an new house. Just stuff around here. I have a problem. I tell myself that I just need to move stuff ONE more time and then I'll quit. I tell myself (and others) that I can quit any time I want to... whatever.

My house in Cordova had five bedrooms and three bathrooms... talk about moving. I think that Bethany actually lived in three of those bedrooms in the six years that we lived there. You think that I am kidding; my sister will testify that I am not. Oh, and she didn't just live in them. They were EACH appropriately painted and decorated for her ages at the time. First room upstairs was not so fancy. I mean that the house was brand spanking new, so there just wasn't much that needed to be done. When I moved her downstairs I painted the room PINK (we are talking pepto bismol here); put in a new set of white bunk beds; painted her dressers white with little do dads to match; and hung a hammock chair from the ceiling (courtesy of her cool aunt Diane). Did all this while she was gone to camp one year. Bethany isn't one to show a whole lot of emotion at gifts (understatement of the year). When she came home we, of course, had the video camera rolling and everything. She walks in and says, "cool, my beds came in". Did I mention that the walls were nauseatingly pink? Did she notice?? no; time to put away the camera. Have you ever seen Trading Spaces? Her reaction was the polar opposite of EVERY single person ever in the history of the show! Not ONE single OMG. I would like to apologize in advance to her future husband; and wish him luck:) I would love to be a fly on the wall when he proposes. I tell you now; there will be NO tears or exclamations of joy... probably something like, "cool, my ring came in."

She also lived in the room over the garage for a time and then back to the original room she was in when we first moved into that house. Sounds crazy now; but it made sense when we were doing it.

Fast forward to this ole house... When we moved in here, this was my mother's house. It has taken me several months to acclimate myself and make it my own. Nothing is as it was. In fact this past couple of weeks I have flipped pretty much every room into reverse of it original intention, which is why I needed my brother to come and install some new cable outlets and move my computer modem. But, I am done for now. Which, of course means that I am done with everything that I can do for free. I have GREAT ideas that cost alot of money, but whatever.

My sister, whose couch has not moved ONE inch since I told her where to put it does not understand my compulsion. I say it's kinda like someone who shops to make themselves feel good. Everyone likes the feeling of something new. Some of us are just too cheap to go to the mall.

I have to say, though that what I have learned from this move is that hard wood floors are not our friends. I consider myself to be a pretty thorough keeper of my home. I mean, it's not as perfect as I would like and I have had to concede some things in order to have the help that I need. (like not being able to find a can opener, or just about any thing else:) But... I pulled out that dresser that had been up against the wall in my bedroom and found the scariest dust "bunny" that I have EVER seen. I mean, I don't think that you can call that a bunny. Sounds way too harmless. Honestly, I thought for a moment that we had mistakenly added another yorkie to the bunch. I think that we should name him Harry. Diane said that I shoulda taken a picture of him, but the horror that I had missed that monstrosity of hair and dirt and dust was too great.

Hard wood floors... who knew?

tina's grilling goodness

2008-10-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

1. What is your least favorite aspect of Election Year?

Not having a candidate that I can really get behind... mostly, this year is about voting against more than for:(

2. What is something your spouse could do to make you feel special?

Take me for a late night drive, find an out of the way stop sign...

3. Do you complain at restaurants or do you just tip less? tipping less is for poor service and things that are actually in the power of the server to correct; otherwise I just pout and don't come back.

4. If you had it to do over again, would you choose the same wedding date you had?

no, no, no... wedding date was in December. Can you say, "who can afford an anniversary gift?"

5. What kind of car do you drive? Chevy malibu; miss my van. don't miss filling the tank.

6. If you have siblings, are you close to them? sister is BFF; half sisters wouldn't know me if they saw me on the street; step sisters have moved on with their lives; half brother is around here somewhere (cooking for him today:); not sure where step brother is off to... maybe I should look him up on facebook.

7. Do you spend the same amount of money on each child at Christmas or just buy a certain number of gifts? both; bad childhood experience...

8. What phrase do you find yourself saying all the time? TURN OFF SOME OF THESE LIGHTS! Did you SEE the electric bill this month??????

Tina's grilling goodness

2008-10-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

1. What can cheer you up when you're feeling grumpy?
grumpy?? who, me? what are you trying to say here?

2. Give one feature that could make or break the deal if you were shopping for a new home.
galley kitchen; fell for it once, NEVER again.

3. What's the craziest thing you've ever let your children eat for breakfast?
Bethany had lazagna with her dad last saturday.

4. If you are a 'watch what you eat' kind of person, share a meal or dish that makes it easier to diet. Spaghetti; mostly cause I don't really like it.

5. Is there something you used to do as a child that you would never let your children do now?
When Diane and I used to travel with our dad we would lay with our heads down on the floor board of the front seat of the car (you know, right under the engine:) and our legs in the seat. We would sleep like that for hours. WHAT WAS HE THINKING???

6. If you have a daughter, are her ears pierced? When did you allow it? Yes; she was five.

7. Are you the only person in your house who changes the TP roll?? nope, mostly David does that.

8. How old were you when you no longer lived with a parent(s) for the first time? married at 19. WHAT WERE MY PARENTS THINKING?

Okay... that's just NOT funny.

2008-10-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

I was kidding about the offers starting to pour in now. Turns out that the enemy wasn't.

You know the moment when the peace comes. You take a deep breath, and although the problems haven't really resolved; you just know that you have taken the first step in the right direction... maybe in a very long time. Then the devil comes and JERKS the rug out from under you. Well, mine came in the form of an email from the very nice Dr. Soandso who was requesting my presence for a sit down interview for my full time, full charge bookkeeping position using none other than the programs that I cut my teeth on. Okay God, test number 1... I wrote him a very sweet thanks, but no thanks email. and. sent. it. YIKES! Are you sure about this God??? Do you know what he did? he emailed back to thank me for my reply and wish me luck with the "new" position that I told him that I had accepted. It's not so much a "new" position as much as it is an accepting of the "old" position, but whatever...

Spent all afternoon yesterday scouring the paper for sale items to live off of for the week. This week our menu will consist of every dish I can think of with split chicken breasts, some hot dog buns, yogurt, and a side dish of crest.

Think of it as an adventure.

One of THOSE days???

2008-10-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

Lessons from Saul, the stupid

2008-10-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

Side note: I noticed in the previous post that although my fall decorated fire place is gorgeous to me, others may be confused by the hideous greenness of the bricks and walls. While I agree that this color WOULD be "hideous" in the living room; this particular fire place is in my kitchen, where the color is cheery and inviting. Not to mention that this tiny little section of the kitchen on the background of this dreary bloggy wallpaper (my address IS eeyorescorner, after all) just doesn't due it justice. Suffice it to say that it looks very impressive and I look forward to having friends and family over for Thanksgiving... in six weeks. haha:)

side note, part two... speaking of my address, a friend so kindly pointed out that it looked like I was a scorner of eeyore; now the address is bugging me. thanks, jeff.

excuse me, I just needed to turn the burning taco meat on the stove...

***************************************

On a more serious note, I have made the decision to suspend the relentless search for employment for the time being. I figure that I will get several lucrative offers any time now.

A very wise woman I know once said that just because we know what to do, doesn't always mean that we are doing it. I KNOW that I shouldn't eat 2 servings of apple pie after a carbohydrate infested meal of homemade chicken and noodles over mashed potatoes. I KNOW that it will make me feel nauseous. I KNOW that it is sinful to eat more than my body needs. I KNOW that the Bible calls this gluttony... but it is yummy, so I do it anyway. All the while, feeling the satisfaction of knowing that I am a stickler of obeying the speed limit. I am a "good girl". I follow the rules. I ALWAYS do the right thing. yeah right

Excuse me while I exercise my I John 1:9 privileges...

Okay... what was I saying. Oh yeah, just because we know to do right doesn't always mean we are doing it. What does that have to do with my search for the perfect job?? I am glad you asked.

As I was sitting unsuspectingly in choir Sunday night, choir director (R) was giving a devotion about Moses. Surprisingly enough this led my brain to the sunday school lesson of that morning concerning Saul. (don't ask how my brain went from Moses to Saul; God ways are not our ways:) In any case, Samuel had asked Saul to go to a certain city and wait for seven days for him to come and offer sacrifices for the people before they were to go into battle. It seems that Samuel was taking liberties with the time frame or maybe someone stopped him on his way and offered him pie. Nevertheless he was (insert gasp) LATE. Saul got itchy feet because the people were losing interest and the enemy was looming scary, so he decided to get this show on the road. He called for the animals to be brought forth and he took care of business without the benefit of a priest. bad idea. It seems that Samuel showed up just as the roast was starting to smell good. He has a way of doing that. When Samuel asks the obvious, Saul begins to make excuses, even blaming Samuel for his tardiness. another bad idea. We all know the story; that in the end Saul loses his crown to David, but the point for me was this... what was Saul's sin? His logic was sound, he had the best interest of the people in mind and he was the king after all. His sin was simply this: he was not a priest. He stepped out of his role as the king and presumed another that was not his right. Everyone knows that only a priest had the authority to offer sacrifices on behalf of the people. He let fear and pride and his "i can fix that" attitude rule the day. God broke him for it. Wow. Okay, God I don't need a preacher to figure this one out.

So here's the deal. My husband, bless his hard workin' self, is my God-given provider. That is his role, not mine. (heard that recently from a friend, thanks L) He works hard and takes GOOD care of this family. So, the gas prices are sky freakin' high; so the groceries budget is in the toilet. So, the bill collectors are mounting and the bad decisions of a better time are looming their ugly heads. God says that he will never forsake us. I will trust in Him (and him:). I believe that my role is to facilitate my husband's role as provider. It is to provide a sweet haven for him to return to; a hot meal (most nights:); clean socks to wear to that blessed job he works so hard at; and a home that makes him proud to bring his parent to visit. I may not be able to find the perfect job; but THAT I can do.

I get that in this world of feminism, this school of thought is a step backward. But, I know that when I stay in MY role I have a peace that passes all understanding. Someday, my "seven days" may be over but for now... I'll just wait.