Thursday, June 16, 2011

$5.59

So I went ahead and opened my blog back up for the masses, as you can see. There really isn't any need to keep it private any longer.

For those who have seen some cryptic remarks on my Facebook account, a little explanation may be in order. For those who don't care... well, you probably still won't care.

A few years ago, my family was one of the early victims of their own choices that led to the loss of their home. A lack of fore site, combined with a dwindling economy, combined with a primary income tied to the luxury car business led to the perfect storm. It was the single most difficult thing I have personally ever had to deal with, outside of losing Daniel. Add to that the guilt that I had no one to blame but myself. I am a bookkeeper, for heaven's sake! How does this happen??

When we left our beautiful home, my heart was broken and I was scared, but we had some sweet friends from church who had a tiny little house that they were renting for frankly not much less that we were paying for our 2000 plus square foot home, but the utilities were less and we weren't starting out 3 months behind so we swallowed our pride and sold as much as we could and "downsized", which kind of goes against the whole heart of America but there it is. After a year of this situation, they were ready to sell their little house and we were looking for somewhere a little more permanent.

A certain family member stepped up and said that they were ready to downsize, because the house and pool were getting to be more upkeep than they were really able to maintain; and because they really loved the house where they had done a number of renovations, they wanted us to consider relocating to Atoka.

I told myself that my history with this difficult relationship would not be an issue. I told the plethora of people who said I was CRAZY, that it would be different this time. I was blinded by my fear of facing the financial world again, by my desire to give everything to my kids, and by the love that I quickly developed for this pile of bricks and the town that it sits in. I envisioned my teens having their friends HERE instead of somewhere else. I envisioned my house being full of the kids I would never have. I envisioned my grandchildren having Thanksgiving at the table in my kitchen and having them stay with me for weeks in the summer when they were old enough to take over that silly pond in the backyard.

I have worked hard here. I have painted and upgraded; put in a new privacy fence, and landscaped. This year in particular, I was dedicated to making that yard a garden of Eden for my "kids"... I am working these days and not really in a position to enjoy it myself; but I would someday.

Then I woke up.

A disagreement. An opinion I dared to have. A few heated emails later, and then a registered letter - addressed and written as if I was a complete stranger - and it is over. I have been evicted from my dream, and there really is no turning back. I have lost another house that I poured my future into. How does that happen? I have no idea. Frankly, I am still in shock and denial, although the boxes in the kitchen that is no longer mine are kinda pointing out the obvious. We have somewhere to go - thank goodness. It seems that God knows what is down the path, even as we are blessedly unaware. I am humbly reminded of that yet again.

I feel like I have been sold for the price of a registered letter.
That is all that I was really worth to this person, who is now a stranger to me.




PS... does anyone have a truck I can borrow?

2 comments:

Tina said...

We have a truck! And able bodies! We will help as much as we can! Love you!

Joanna said...

Oh Chris!!! I am virtually hugging you right now. I'm not even going to say you're better off because your heart is broken. It will get better!! I promise!! It won't be instant but it will get better. You're going to come out of this stronger. You're going to take all your hurts and frustrations and take it to Jesus and He's going to walk you through it.

And then we'll make a voodoo doll of someone and beat the poop out of it. (kidding but wanted to make you laugh) :}