Thursday, September 4, 2008

Job hunting

Last night after choir practice I stopped at the mailbox to pick up the bills (I mean mail). Water bill was $175... WHAT! Apparently, filling the pool after the pump decided to blow the lid off of the filter and pump the water all over the yard THREE TIMES cost me a hundred bucks. Remember when I told you that the pool guy said pools are expensive. phooey.

I spent the night rehashing the whole should I/shouldn't I debate about going back to work. That hundred dollars of water in the back yard sorta pushed me over the edge. my head hurts.

I got out of bed this morning at 6:30 and promptly hit the internet in search of the perfect job... notice "perfection" is sort of a theme here. For some reason, when looking on the internet there is alot of cloak and dagger about the jobs, their location, the company that's looking, etc. They want my resume which basically gives them everything about me except my social security number, but I am not really sure where "they" are located. With the price of gas, this is somewhat of a concern.

Somehow, I happened upon an opening for a full charge bookkeeper for some kind of construction business located somewhere in my small town paying somewhat of a reasonable salary to work who knows what hours. I pasted my hastily put together resume (with the additional years that I had inadvertantly left off last time) onto their "send your resume here" button and clicked away my personal information to who knows whom. I have no expectations that I will ever see any profit from that effort.

Don't get me wrong... As I have said, I don't especially like meeting new people. I often say that I sing in the choir at church to avoid the whole greeting thing. BUT, sending out a resume into cyberspace to a faceless potential employer seems very impersonal. Even for me. I can't imagine this actually working.

Another new wrinkle that I have discovered is that the "good" jobs with the "good" paychecks all say that they do credit checks now. Guess what, I am a bookkeeper with REALLY bad credit. Many reasons, some due to bad decisions on my part, some due to circumstances way beyond my control, or some combination of the two... Usually the bad decision was followed by the circumstances beyond my control. Needless to say, the fact that the creditors are calling is WHY I NEED A JOB:) I have a feeling that I will be offering you an apple pie with your fries real soon.

Then there's the guilt factor. I have a beautiful, intelligent, self-motivated, sweet, currently home schooling tenth grader that I have devoted the last 15 years of my life to. When you go to work with a toddler, the answers are simple... home care or daycare. Not my choice, but people do it. When you have invested as much as I have into this incredible person, you can't just get up one day and say, "okay, kid, you're on your own". The 19 year old, yeah, I can do that. But the 15 year old? What if all of our hard work goes to poo-poo because I deserted her in the 11th hour? What if I put my needs before hers, now after all of these years and I lose her because of my selfishness or my incredible inability to keep us financially solvent until she was ready? I can't leave her at home ALONE. She doesn't need a babysitter, for heaven's sake, but being alone gets lonely REAL FAST.

Besides, who's gonna cook dinner?

1 comment:

Joanna said...

You voiced a lot of things I've been rolling around. My youngest is 9 so not going there. No fun to stair at bills pretending they would go away.

Never an easy answer is there?