Tuesday, September 30, 2008

life questions...

Why is it that the best sleep of the night occurs after hubby leaves for work... but, if he is not here for some reason at night there is NO CHANCE that I will fall asleep????

Monday, September 29, 2008

Bring out the big guns

Okay... this getting ridiculous.

Monday morning check of the want ads. check.
Application sent to Target. check.
Attempt at walmart application. check.

Walmart application is like applying for the secret service. You have got to be KIDDING me. Have you SEEN the people working there???? I mean... come on. No offense intended to you hard working, clean, articulate, intelligent, helpful, attractive, walmart employees (with teeth); but come on... we've all BEEN there. Most of the people at the check out counters barely make eye contact, let alone speak. I have a hard time believing that these people filled out a 72 question skill assesment test regarding their management decisions in various difficult situations. REALLY!

I think that I am going to be looking for an organ buyer...
You can "donate" a kidney while you're still alive, right???

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Moving on

Finally got a call back. Nope, not from them.

Day before yesterday I finally realized that I would be stupid to take a job in a new field at half again what I was making when I left the job market, at least one that far away. It's one thing to take a job to make ends meet close to home, it's another to take one at 40hrs per week forty five minutes from home. If I am willing to throw myself completely back into the working world then I really should go back to the old paycheck, dontcha think?? To that end, I tossed out a resume to a counseling center that is looking for a full charge bookkeeper with experience in Quickbooks.

Oh yeah... that'd be me.

So, when I got home last night from choir there was a message from Dr. So-and-so, director of said counseling center. Wow, that was quick. I called back and left a message on his voice mail and he called back this afternoon. Playing phone tag with a complete stranger is not really my cup of tea, but you do what you have to do.

Apparently he is weeding out the riff raff over the phone and then will be calling those that interest him in for a second interview. SECOND interview. HA! I had my first interview with him in my PJ's!!! too funny. Diane thought it was hysterical.

Trouble is that I am REALLY bad over the phone. I make a terrible impression. There is a reason that people like me get into bookkeeping. It's because WE DON'T LIKE TALKING TO PEOPLE:) And talking to them over the phone is worse. But, he is a doctor (of psychology, I assume) so hopefully he will get that.

Still praying that God puts me just where He wants me to be... In the mean time, it's time to start buying the kroger brands.

I hate kroger brands. ewwww.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wordless Wednesday... not

It appears that the people from job interview #2 are not going to call...

What's up with people not calling. Shouldn't the interviewer call the interviewee, even if the answer is no. This seems only polite. After all, the interviewee appeared when and where they were called and stayed as long as the interviewer was inclined to continue. It seems to me that the interviewee has earned a call back. It's just rude, I say; but, whatever.

At least I don't have to make THAT decision. Thanks, God. I was really struggling with it.

I have spent 2 hours this morning filling out more applications online. I am down to Kroger and Walgreens. Not that there is anything wrong with working at Kroger or Walgreens. It's just that my accounting degree promised so much more. Oh well. I'll take what I can get. Guess what, THEY do credit checks, too. What is UP with that? And, they have some sort of process where people on welfare get first dibs or something. Are you KIDDING me? My virtual application gets rejected because I need a job to pay my bills and I am not using the government to subsidize my housing or groceries. Is this a vicious circle or what???? I am so tired. I hear McDonalds calling me.

I have good news and bad news. Brian started his new job today:) woohoo! He actually got the perfect job for him. Sales clerk in the local christian book store. Did I mention that he is a voracious reader and that he is crazy for music?

The good news is that he found the perfect job for him...

the bad news is that I am not sure that any of his check will make it out of the store...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Near death experiences

Still waiting on the call that could change my life forever.... I'm feeling very dramatic about this one:)

The good news is that Brian got a call for an interview the same day that I had mine. We are waiting for a call about his job, too. I think that I am more excited about that. It would be a perfect job for him... mostly because there would be a paycheck. He really NEEDS a paycheck. I really NEED for him to have a paycheck. You get the picture.

Last night he took several years off of my life. I really did not appreciate that.

He has a friend who works as a music minister on the weekends (college student)... he went to church with him this week. When he didn't show up after church looking for food, I just assumed he went home with said friend. Fast forward to after evening services (to which he was not in attendance, either) when I went to friend's mother saying, "I assume Brian was at your house for lunch"... To which she replies, "no, D came home alone."

Oh great, now my imagination kicks in. I skipped the pizza I was gonna get on the way home in my haste to make sure that my kid had not ended up who knows where. You know there is a real fine line between letting a 19 year old have his own space and making sure that you know that they are safe.

I fly home, squeal into the carport, trip over myself getting in the door, and there he is... sitting on MY couch in MY house watching MY tv and eating pizza. He looks up at me with those baby blues and says, "I overslept". Who oversleeps during the day!!

crisis averted.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Decisions corner

This week has been a very busy month.

Worked three days with the two little boys. Kept the 7 yr old 5 days.

Painted some more on the kitchen.

Figured out where to put the Christmas tree.

Oh yeah... I had another job interview. YIKES! I pouted all the way there because this job is 25 miles from my home. Truthfully, if I had known that, it is unlikely that I would have given my resume to this friend. But, I made a commitment so of course I went. Didn't want to. Wanted to sleep in since I had had the boys for three days. I was beat. dog tired... and I know dogs.

but i went.

It really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. The people were nice. I think that they liked me. And they have dogs there... (chiuauas, but you can't have everything:)

Afterwards, I drove alllllllll theeeee wayyyyy homeeeeeee....... stopped at chick filet, of course because we don't have one out here in the boonies.

I sat down with my children and discussed the pros and cons to this position. Kids are rooting for me. Can you hear them????? gooooo mom! you're great! you can do this!!!!... I think that they see a very bare Christmas in their immediate future if they don't propel me out of the house. Trouble is, that they are not being realistic about what it will cost them.

No more clean laundry. No more clean toilets. No more yummy Mom food. No more staying up until all hours of the night watching reruns of "House". No more clean anything. No more groceries (they don't just walk here, people). No more made beds or cut grass or chats around the table while pretending that you don't need to be doing Algebra.

And the dogs... don't even get me started. They will die. They will either starve or they will explode from not being let out.

Not that I DO all of these things. It's just that I am the only one that sees that they need to BE done and is willing to take the various expressions of attitude displayed when these needs are vocalized.

I don't know why I am worrying. It is not like they made an offer yet. But, I need to have an answer if they do. The job that I wanted at the bank would have been an adjustment for our family, but this job would mean a MONUMENTAL adjustment. Maybe that's just what we need. Only God really knows. I am really praying that if this is too much for our family to take on that He closes the door. I have spent way to much of my life trying to nurture them to leave them out in the cold now. I hate making decisions.

Please, God, make it for me.

Friday, September 12, 2008

buy one; get one free

Here is your extra thought for the day... completely and totally unrelated to the christmas stuff on the other blog.

I am not too sure that I like this whole "followers" stuff on the blog list. I dutifully have my "followers" listed, but I suddenly am reminded of my grade school years of unpopularity. Do I really want to relive the time in my life that I was the last one picked for any organized activity? Oh yes, I was the one... you remember. Middle school gym class, "no, YOU take her... we had her LAST time!" That was me. Shrinking over on the side lines. Praying that the volley ball would get no where near me and that class would be over before I was supposed to serve.

Oy with the poodles already!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

End of summer

The pool is "closing" today. What I mean to say is that I am paying to have the pool closed today. The word "is" in that sentence implies that the pool closes itself. It doesn't. Note to self: Having a pool is an investment and you will never have another vacation in your life:)

I guess that the end of summer is official. We haven't been swimming for the last couple of weeks; not because it has been too cold outside, but because the water is FREEZING. Actually, I don't think that the water is all that cold. I mean the thermometer says that it is about the same temp as at the beginning of summer when we were saying things like, "oh... it's not THAT bad." But, after roasting our tootsies all summer I just don't feel compelled to get in there. Pool man says we need to have the cover on before the leaves start to fall. Makes sense to me. So, that's it; maybe the utility bill will come down. I'm just saying........

Another sign of the end of summer is that Christmas music that we are working on in choir. It is always a little funny to me to be singing "Carol of the Bells" in September but we have to start sometime. This is always the first step to the wash of memories that starts about this time of year and doesn't end until after Daniel's birthday. Something about singing about Mary and her precious baby boy starts the knot in my throat and flashes back to all of the pictures in my mind of the few short hours that we spent with him. The tears aren't far behind. There are those who have never endured the loss of a child who have trouble understanding why it still permeates my life nine years later. Like it or not, it is part of what makes me who I am. Rest assured that for the next couple of months he will be especially near the surface of my thoughts.

Hugs and kisses to you my sweet baby boy. Go give Miss Glory a hug. She's new there and you can show her around to all of your best places.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Dog days...

Okay, I agree that maybe I'm just a little nuts at having 3 dogs. I didn't really mean to. It just sort of happened. But, I have to say that it has been a little insane around here with a new puppy. She cracks me up.

Truly, as you know, loves a good game of ball... any kind of ball. Inside, we mostly toss a tennis ball. Nobody likes it when I play with her, cause I'm a lousy throw, but she doesn't care as long as she gets to enjoy the thrill of that spectacular fluorescent orb shooting down the hall to who knows where. And she NEVER falls for the "fake" throw. She just stands there like that was the stupidest thing she has ever seen. Generally, she likes to stand suspended until after the ball has disappeared from sight before she flies around the corner to hunt. If it ends up under or behind something, all the better because she LOVES to play her version of hide and seek. God forbid that it should land in some sort of inaccessible area, because after much whining and running back and forth in a valiant "lassie"sort of move you WILL be getting up to get it for her.

Now we have Schatzi, or "the baby" as she is affectionately referred to. She has watched this game and decided to give Truly a run for her money, literally. Trouble is she doesn't feel the need to wait for the ball to have time to "hide". She just takes off like a bat out of a place that a bat would never be. If she is on the couch, you will get a chance to see her impression of the dark knight leaping off of that really tall building from the new batman movie. She throws herself forward (not down), unfurls her front legs like she has been taking lessons from her friend, the flying squirrel, and yes... there is hang time. It is hysterical. every time.

Yesterday, David and I were sitting at the table taking in a little game of Skipbo, when the baby came calming trotting into the kitchen carrying the tennis ball. Now this in and of itself is a bit comical, considering that the ball is approximately the size of her head. It would be kind of like me carrying a honey dew melon out of kroger... with my teeth. But, what got us tickled was that she carried the ball right into my pantry room, through the gate which was closed for some reason (she is still small enough to get thru the slats). Truly was fast on her heals, of course, as she trotted into the kitchen; but was stopped dead in her tracks by that gate. Baby put the ball down well within sight, and then sauntered smugly back through the gate as if to say, "get it now, sista:)"

You haven't lived until you've laughed til you cry... at a DOG.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Day Two...

On this, our second day of "classical" education we have already had to tweek the schedule. Tweek is a technical term which means "this is NOT WORKING". yikes.

I arranged Bethany's schedule such that she would be doing her math and science classes first because she is only accountable to me for those and her humanities in the afternoon since we have to turn those in every week when she meets with her class. She informed me yesterday that she did not have enough time for humanities to meet the goals that she had set for herself and therefore my classes are going to get second billing. We all know what that means. She'll get to them when she gets to them. I have news for her.

Today she was working hard most all day. Books and papers have been everywhere. We have her desk set up in my kitchen and it is overflowing with notes and little cards with highlighted stuff. It is weird seeing work laying around here that I did not assign... but nice to see her so productive. Part of the trick to home schooling over the years is to stave off the burn out. We do that by incorporating change. That is part of the point of this year. There is a very delicate balance between not messing with what works and keeping things fresh. She is very focused on her humanities because of her desire to please her "teacher"... the one she sees once a week. She doesn't care so much what I think:)

I have a feeling that this year is going to be ALOT of work and take more focus than we have ever needed. To that end, I have moved a table into the room that I have recently acquired in moving Brian to the back yard. She is going to need a place to spread out and have some quiet and the kitchen really isn't that kind of environment. She will not be pleased, but she'll live.

I have always appreciated all of the christian influence that flows over every subject of our curriculum over the years, but this year there are some college level manuals and for literature she will be studying some ancient lit and mythology, etc. Today, she cracked me up when she gasped at the table that her grammar manual had a quote from Oprah. She is also reading The Epic of Gilgamesh. Let's just say that he was not the kind of guy that I have taught her to look for in a mate. She was so embarrassed at chapter one that, although she wanted me to read it... she didn't want me to read it OUT LOUD! I would love to be a fly on the wall when they discuss THOSE questions in class.

Okay, maybe she's been a little sheltered:)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Job hunting

Last night after choir practice I stopped at the mailbox to pick up the bills (I mean mail). Water bill was $175... WHAT! Apparently, filling the pool after the pump decided to blow the lid off of the filter and pump the water all over the yard THREE TIMES cost me a hundred bucks. Remember when I told you that the pool guy said pools are expensive. phooey.

I spent the night rehashing the whole should I/shouldn't I debate about going back to work. That hundred dollars of water in the back yard sorta pushed me over the edge. my head hurts.

I got out of bed this morning at 6:30 and promptly hit the internet in search of the perfect job... notice "perfection" is sort of a theme here. For some reason, when looking on the internet there is alot of cloak and dagger about the jobs, their location, the company that's looking, etc. They want my resume which basically gives them everything about me except my social security number, but I am not really sure where "they" are located. With the price of gas, this is somewhat of a concern.

Somehow, I happened upon an opening for a full charge bookkeeper for some kind of construction business located somewhere in my small town paying somewhat of a reasonable salary to work who knows what hours. I pasted my hastily put together resume (with the additional years that I had inadvertantly left off last time) onto their "send your resume here" button and clicked away my personal information to who knows whom. I have no expectations that I will ever see any profit from that effort.

Don't get me wrong... As I have said, I don't especially like meeting new people. I often say that I sing in the choir at church to avoid the whole greeting thing. BUT, sending out a resume into cyberspace to a faceless potential employer seems very impersonal. Even for me. I can't imagine this actually working.

Another new wrinkle that I have discovered is that the "good" jobs with the "good" paychecks all say that they do credit checks now. Guess what, I am a bookkeeper with REALLY bad credit. Many reasons, some due to bad decisions on my part, some due to circumstances way beyond my control, or some combination of the two... Usually the bad decision was followed by the circumstances beyond my control. Needless to say, the fact that the creditors are calling is WHY I NEED A JOB:) I have a feeling that I will be offering you an apple pie with your fries real soon.

Then there's the guilt factor. I have a beautiful, intelligent, self-motivated, sweet, currently home schooling tenth grader that I have devoted the last 15 years of my life to. When you go to work with a toddler, the answers are simple... home care or daycare. Not my choice, but people do it. When you have invested as much as I have into this incredible person, you can't just get up one day and say, "okay, kid, you're on your own". The 19 year old, yeah, I can do that. But the 15 year old? What if all of our hard work goes to poo-poo because I deserted her in the 11th hour? What if I put my needs before hers, now after all of these years and I lose her because of my selfishness or my incredible inability to keep us financially solvent until she was ready? I can't leave her at home ALONE. She doesn't need a babysitter, for heaven's sake, but being alone gets lonely REAL FAST.

Besides, who's gonna cook dinner?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Square One

It seems that I am back to square one. rats. Now what...

The job interview that went so well didn't end so well. Somehow, I failed to express my desperate need for them; and theirs for me.

Perfect job slipped thru stupid fingers. check.

Truth is, I HAD the perfect job. I loved what I did. I was a full charge bookkeeper for a tiny little business that in my time there grew from a couple of boys playing at having their own business to an actual out and out business with employees and everything. I built the business end from nothing. It wasn't mine, so I had nothing to loose; but I had the freedom to use all of my creativity to its fullest. I set my own hours. Even took my dogs to work. I LOVED it.

I didn't love everything, mind you. I found out that I really hate insurance... and the IRS. But, I love balancing ledgers, and counting petty cash, and making deposits and paying bills (other people's bills with other people's money), and I LOVE payroll. But, what I loved most was creating solutions for the needs that the business encountered as it grew. I loved making charts and lists and making everyone fill them out:)

So, why did I leave, you ask?? Well... did I mention that one of the boys playing at owning the business was my little brother; and that he is somewhat of a typical type A personality. And did I mention that my mother financed this little venture; and that she is also somewhat of a type A personality. And did I mention that I was somewhat stressed out (I mean, ready to shoot myself in the face) at being caught between them.

All of this stress was complicating an already complicated situation. In the midst of all of this drama, I was trying to continue home schooling my kids which was becoming increasingly difficult. So, I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. I left.

I. don't. regret. it. one. bit.

Fast forward almost 18 months. Brian is off to college and Bethany starts homeschool/private school combination and needs less and less of me. NOW I have to time have the perfect job, preferably one that doesn't included a rock and/or a hard place.

Problem is, I don't even know where to begin to search now that my dream job isn't dreaming of me. I've had total freedom... it's kinda hard to work for "the man" when you've been your own boss. I'm feeling kinda whiny about it. Kinda like crawling back into bed.

I hate square one.