Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Parenting...with attitude:)

Buckle your seat belts people, I have taken creative parenting to the next level. I laugh at you children with the pitter patter of little feet. I snicker at you with your "terrible two's". I have TEENAGERS... Anyone can strap a screaming two year old into a car seat and drive to Walmart, but can you make the pseudo man child under your roof do a load of dishes... I ask you:)

Male offspring of the house has been having difficulty making the connection between chores and the roof over his head. He keeps saying stuff like, "what does it pay?" and I keep saying, "don't talk with your mouth full." I mean, do you have any idea what it costs to feed a growing 18 year old these days?

I am beginning to have visions of ending up on Dr. Phil one day trying to explain why my 40 year old son is still living at home, sleeping all day, and playing video games with his friends all night.

So, I finally pulled the family bible off the shelf and shared with him that GOD SAYS that if a man doesn't work, neither should he eat. To which he replies, "GOD SAYS what man, if his son asks for bread gives him a stone." Clearly he was not on board. Mom pulls out the big guns. No work. No pantry privileges. period. Have you ever told your kids that this hurts you more than it hurts them? Yea, just wait.

Fast forward to Sunday. Hubby and I stop at Kroger to trade an arm and a leg for some lunch meat and chips. Of course, I end up strolling the isles picking up this and that that he will like and stuff she will want, etc. Coming into my kitchen from the carport I can't help but notice that the dishes from last night are everywhere. Apparently I have special mommy powers because I am the only one to whom these are visible. As I was trying to clear a space on the table to put the groceries, I can hear the strains of the battle scene from the Lord of the Rings on the big screen TV in the living room. OKAY, that is the very last straw. Brian tells me from the comfy chair in front of daddy's tv that he won't be home long because he has important plans for the afternoon, so if lunch is going to take long he will just stop by McD's.

Round 1 is on... I say so sweetly, "there is lunch meat and bread and chips here and I even bought you some flaming hot Cheetos." To which he replies (ever the frugal one), "oh, well then I'll just make a sandwich before I go."...I go in for the kill, "If you want food from my kitchen, my darling firstborn, then you will have to pay by emptying the dishwasher." His answer to that..."okay, I'll just stop at McD's then"

*Ding*

Round 2...Dad and Mom and sister start making luscious sandwiches from recipes sent to us by angels from heaven:) The chips and dips come out. The coconut cake left over from the night before...yum.

*Ding*

Round 3...Dad makes a pass thru the living room with a bag of flaming hot Cheetos purchased specifically with Brian in mind. Pseudo man child says, "I guess I'll just empty this dishwasher real quick and save a couple of bucks."

SCORE!!!!!!!!

Once the dishwasher is empty, Mom can't help but gloat. I sneak up behind him and in my most conspiratorial whisper say, "you know what this means, don't you??" he says, "what mom?"...giggle giggle snicker snort..."this means you sold your soul for a bag of flaming hot Cheetos" teehee.

3 comments:

rthling said...

So his tongue can roast in Cheeto hell?

Joanna said...

Ooo I bow and pay homage to your wisdom.

My Goodness said...

I love it! You are my hero! I will have to make a special book to keep copies of your posts so that in 10 years I can use these 'skills'. :)