Thursday, May 9, 2013

We're goin to the chapel...

It has been awhile since I have spent time with my blog... mostly because my social connection tends to facebook these days.  But, this is a very special weekend and I need more space for all that fills my heart today. 

I am sitting here in the early morning before the business of this weekend begins with memories flooding my mind... nearly twenty seven years of them.  The big news, of course, is that Brian is getting married.  I have prayed for this young woman since they put Brian into my arms.  I have imagined her growing up and loving Jesus.  I have prayed for her health, physical and spiritual.  I have prayed that Brian would make good choices and that those choices would lead him to her.  God has heard my prayer and I could not be more thankful this morning. 

I remember all those years ago making my own wedding plans and getting the details just right.  I remember our trip to Cancun (wedding gift from my daddy) and the silly stories of things that we saw and did there.  David and I have been though a lot since those days, some things that could break a marriage apart if we didn't have an anchor, and some things I wasn't sure if even that would be enough.  I was incredibly lucky to have some key people in my life that held my hand and whispered godly advise in my ears.  I have some I'd like to give to my baby...

Dear Brian,

There is something about your firstborn.  The first time that you truly know unconditional love for another human being.  The first time you are certain that you would put yourself into harm's way without even thinking just to see him safe.  I have loved you with my whole heart for all of these twenty three years, and even the months before I saw your face.  You have brought me so much happiness, you have made me crazy:) and you make me proud on a daily basis.  I wish you so much joy, and love, and mostly peace.  Before you give yourself to Hannah, there are some things that I would like to remind you.

1) Love God first Brian; Hannah won't mind.  A true love for your heavenly father will spill into your marriage and she will be the first to benefit.  God knows more about love and how to do it than any human being.  Sit at His feet and learn and never stop learning.  I promise you never graduate from His curriculum. 

2) Love Hannah second; I won't mind:)  She comes before all else in this world, even before your children someday.  The best gift in this world that parents can give their kids is parents who adore each other. 

3) Be a Godly leader.  Hannah is a smart, beautiful young woman who could manage just fine without you but it is important for her to be able to lay the burdens of life on you. 

4) Don't be too proud to ask for advise.  Start with Hannah... see #3:)

5) Learn from the successes and the failures of both of your parents.  We did something right because we raised two amazing kids, but we aren't perfect.  Take the things we are good at for your own and toss aside our mistakes.  Be better partners and parents than we were.

6) Have fun!  Play together, laugh together... it makes the hard stuff so much easier. 

and finally,

7) Put the seat down... I promise you it is not too much to ask. 

Love, Mom

Friday, April 6, 2012

My Story

Every man or woman who has come to have a relationship with
Jesus Christ has a story; a few weeks ago we were encourage to tell ours. I thought today would be the perfect day to
tell mine.
I was born on this day, 45 years ago. I did not spend my formative years in the
church nursery or in Sunday school like my children did, but just a typical Midwestern
American family of the late sixties and early seventies. I remember yellow tie dyed curtains, birthday
parties, and my sister coming along when I was five. I remember visiting my grandmother, my
favorite babysitter, and the puppy my dad hid in the garage as a surprise. The first experience with loss that I
remember was the day I was eight and my parents sat me down to explain about
divorce. My world was never the same
My parent’s divorce led my mother and my sister and I to
Tennessee, where I eventually ended up on a church bus and in a junior church
program with some very kind people who had a heart for children… and huge bags
of bubble gum. I was quick to raise my
hand when I was invited to ask Jesus into my heart, though I really had no clue
what that meant. In fact, I raised it
every Sunday for weeks until my mother told me to stop because people kept
coming to our house on something called “visitation”. I didn’t stop raising my hand, but I did stop
writing down my name so they would not visit.
My relationship with Jesus did not begin then because those sweet, well
meaning Christians never did really explain what Jesus DID for me, or why. At least I don’t remember that they did. Fortunately, God saw my heart was searching
and continued to put people in my life and eventually into my mother’s life
that would not shy away from the bloody truth of sin, and righteousness, and judgment.
When I was around fourteen or so, I was laying in my room
listening to my mother share the gospel with someone. I have no idea who that person was, or if they
ever came to a decision of their own.
She was explaining about how we had all sinned. There was no one who was righteous enough to
earn a seat in heaven. Being a
perfectionist, even at that age, I was quite aware of my own shortcomings. That was when I finally understood that the
cross was about redemption. That Jesus
took my sin onto Himself and bore the punishment that I deserved. That HE earned my seat in heaven; and that
all I needed to “do” was to let him do it.
I was not in a church. I was not
with a pastor. I did not even pray a
All I did was believe.
Thirty plus years later, this relationship is the
cornerstone of every other. I have
walked roads of joy, and pain, and apathy.
I have had moments when He is as real to me the child in my arms, and
moments when I have walked away from Him.
He has never changed.
What is your story?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Santa Baby

This is me... pretending that it hasn't been fourteen years since my last post.

Last year at about this time, my son introduced me to I love love love it, especially at this time of year. However, being a perfectionist by nature, I have to mention that some songs are sacred. I mean, really, Michael Buble should NEVER sing Santa Baby (or Buddy, or Dude). Everyone knows that that song belongs to Eartha Kitt; back up off Michael!

The problem with Christmas music is that there really isn't that much variety of songs, just artists. But the truth is that no one sings Mary Did You Know like Kathy Mattea, or Baby It's Cold Outside like Barry Manilow and KT Oslin. This year when I was loading my personal collection of Christmas music on to my iphone I resisted the urge to create a Christmas favorite list just so that I would only have one version of I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day (Casting Crowns, of course) and You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Go Fish). The truth is that sometimes I am not very objective. Otherwise I am pretty sure that Julie Andrews' Favorite Things would trump Tony Bennett, but not so in my mind. After all, Tony kicked off Christmas every year when I was a child... sorry Ms. Andrews, betcha didn't see THAT coming!

All in all, I just love Christmas music so when we got to start our holidays early this year because Brian was here at Thanksgiving, this girl was not complaining.

Not one. little. bit.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Leaving on a jet plane

I have succeeded in purchasing a plane ticket for one husband to travel one way to pack up one son. I did it all for a whopping $70, and I'm feeling a little smug about it. You know on AOL when they offer ridiculous airfare prices just to get you to click... ha! Of course I am going to have to drive to Little Rock, AR to drop him off (one third of the way) and he is going to be arriving at some random little airport somewhere in the vicinity of Dallas. I am not even sure if they are actually landing. Maybe they are just gonna do a fly by and kind of push him out. In any case, it will be the job of the aforementioned son to collect said husband at the other end. Then Daddy is going to "help" pack a trailer and "help" drive him back to TN where he will hang out while he lines up his little duckies for the new semester. In a perfect world, he will have a job waiting for him and a student loan lined up to pay his tuition. I am sorry to say that my perfect little world came crashing in recently. I am not sure where I am going to be six months from now... let alone my adult offspring.

Moving on; and speaking of airplanes... did I mention that the house that we have moved to does not have central heat and air? Okay, now I have lived with window units before, but it's been a while- like a hundred years or so. I have forgotten how loud they are. I am going to have to get a little dry erase board to carry around to write down the things I want to say; partly because I have a soft voice and partly because my husband is DEAF. Every thing I say these days has to be said at least twice... every. single. word. The good news is that I get a chance to change my mind if I say something I regret. The bad news is that the window in my bedroom is right beside my bed. It's like sleeping in the engine of a jet plane (hence the reference to airplanes). The good news is that I can't hear ANYTHING ELSE- like snoring, or midnight trips to the fridge. The bad news is that I can't hear anything else- like my alarm clock, or my kid coming in safe and sound. Just one of the adjustments that this highly flexible woman is making:)

ps... found a t shirt at walmart the other day that said "sarcasm - just one of my many talents"

I believe I pulled it out of the dryer a couple of days later. hmmm.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

and then...

The unpacking is going excruciatingly slow, but I did find my keys so we are all good.

Yesterday my sister walked in and announced that the house was beginning to smell like me. I think that a good thing. Actually I am burning a serious amount of money in my scentsy pots, so I guess she means I smell like cinnamon...

Which reminds me... if ever you know a young bride, be sure to tell her not to put cinnamon sticks in her new husband's underwear drawer. It's a bad idea.

In the meantime, I am trying to get as much unpacked as possible to make room for someone who is dropping by for a little visit before he transfers to somewhere closer to his mommy.


Friday, July 1, 2011


For the record, the registered letter that I received resulting in my homeless situation was apparently not an "eviction"... not in the legal sense. It was simply "a letter requesting a move", although I don't remember it saying please. I did not know this until the second time I was forced to call the police (so that I could leave with some measure of peace) and the kind officer told me.

Unfortunately I'm a bookkeeper.


and when I get a letter that says get out on or before 8/1, I take it to mean get out.

silly me.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Independence Day


The last couple of weeks have been somewhat eventful. I have so many thank yous to send out that I haven't had the time to even begin. I have a three day weekend coming; I'm hoping to get those caught up... and find my shampoo. Just kidding, I know where the shampoo is:) sort of.

I am currently working on a timeline of phone conversations, emails, and confrontations so that I can keep the details straight in my head. yup, I'm a dork. Seriously, I fully expect to be forced into court and it seemed reasonable to at least be able to speak intelligently of the events of the past few weeks, which it turns out are the culmination of years of maternal disappointment. I would share them all publicly, because I have decided that I am done hiding and being afraid but these details really don't serve any purpose except to garner pity, which I don't really need. Suffice it to say that my character is in question here; half truths and lies abound, and things said out of context. The good news is that I don't give an account to my mother or my brother or the neighbors down the street for my actions or motives. That is probably the first thing on the list of things I am thankful for... along with my new dishwasher.

I am reminded of Joseph. His own brothers sold him into slavery because they were jealous of the love his father showered on him. When famine came to Egypt, God used Joseph to save the an entire civilization and the very family that betrayed him. When his brother asked why he would do such a thing his response was, "You meant it for evil; but God meant it for good". I really pray that I will have the strength of character to follow his example should the opportunity arise.

In the meantime, a wise person that I love with all my heart told me that the best revenge against she who can't be mentioned is to live well.

I think he's pretty smart.